Back to the Start
by TheViewFromTheAfternoon
Summary: A new beginning, starting over, moving on. Should be simple, right? Only trouble is, now I'm back where it all began, it turns out there are some things I can't forget—and others I don't want to.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** This is the third in my series of stories from Tim's point of view, following on from _These Streets_ and _Cars and Girls._ However, you _**don't**_ need to have read them before reading this.

Obviously, anything you recognise from 'The Outsiders' belongs to SE Hinton.

As always, I hope you like it and would really appreciate your feedback on the story- so I'd love it if you could take a moment to let me know what you think :)

* * *

 **CHAPTER ONE**

 _April 1967_

 _Friday morning._

"Didn't know you were back in town."

Although I recognise his voice immediately I'm still pretty surprised to see Nick Miller, just standing there in the doorway of the drugstore, grinning at me. Makes me wonder why he's being so damn friendly, exactly what he's wanting. Decide maybe I could do with not getting into it with anyone on my first day out and just go along with it.

"Yeah, got home last night." Nod towards the building across the street. "Just been over the parole office, getting everything straight."

"Oh, that's rough." He steps closer as he lights himself a cigarette, holds out the pack to me.

"Cheers." Digging in my pocket for my lighter, I shrug at him whilst I spark up. "It ain't so bad."

And it ain't, not really.

Not compared to the prospect of another eighteen months inside. Just need to turn up on time and stick at the job that the parole officer has arranged for me to start Monday, carry on living at home, say all the right things that he wants to hear from me every damn time I have to go check in.

Keep myself out of trouble. Can't be that fucking hard, can it?

"So, you fancy a beer tomorrow night or something? Catch up on old times?"

Christ, this really throws me. I mean, I've known him pretty much forever, and I guess you would say we were friends for most of that time, that he was one of the few people I ever actually trusted in those days. But didn't exactly imagine there'd be any way forwards from where we left it. That he would just act like none of that ever happened.

"Won't Judith have something to say on that?"

He laughs a little. "Let's just say things didn't quite work out on that front. So you up for it?"

Mulling it over for a couple seconds, I figure it ain't worth falling out with anyone quite this soon after getting out and honestly, I could do with someone a little more astute than Curly to bring me up to date on me how things stand these days. Properly, without avoiding anything or just saying what he thinks I want to hear.

"Yeah, okay, where - Buck's or something?"

"Nah, place is mostly full of underage girls and his Rodeo buddies these days. Was bad enough before, but you should see it these days, it's really gone downhill."

Shaking my head, I grin back at him, "Didn't think that it was possible for it to get much worse in there, but I guess that explains why Curly's so keen to go there tonight." I mean for the girls, probably fancies his chances with someone and is hoping to impress me, 'cause he's about as much into rodeo as me. Promised him we'd have a few beers tonight, hang out some to placate him for the fact I wouldn't let him skip school just to bum around with me today. No way in hell I need an excuse for Ma to be on my case on day one. Bad enough I got to stay there, let alone listen to her yelling at me if I don't have to. "Okay, so if not there, then where?"

xxxxxx

 _Saturday night._

"Another round please, sweetheart."

Now I'm here, I'm aiming on working my way through more than my fair share of beers. The place is alright, a few people I remember from before stop and greet me, ask the same old questions that I'm already tired of hearing then tell me it must feel good to be home. Still, on the plus side there's a decent enough selection of broads, so I'm feeling pretty confident of getting some action before the night is out.

Ain't going to be going home with the same girl as last night though, not even sure I remember her name, truth be told.

And that girl from the bus station the night before, well I ain't convinced I knew her name in the first place.

But, hell, eighteen months is a damn long time to go without and I've got a good deal of catching up to do - for both beer and broads - and while it might be an idea to pace myself a little on the beers, that most definitely doesn't apply where girls are concerned. And with that in mind I take a sip out this new beer, pass the second over to Miller, then check out the two girls at the corner table who've been making their interest pretty obvious.

"So, you seen much of anyone else since you got into town?"

"A couple the guys, seen Simmonds down the Standard when I was fuelling up the car this morning, ran into Lang last night. So what happened to Myers?"

"Jesus, Tim, you're not looking to start no trouble over all that again are you?"

"Course not." Although I can't deny getting some kind of revenge has been on my mind more often than not, that if the opportunity arose...well, I wouldn't turn it down.

"Just as well. Look, you do realise all of that gang shit don't really happen no more? Not like it used to, anyway. I mean, you were sent down, then Lewis got drafted. Fry ended up in County last year and Myers? Well it seems Wayne quit town, six months or more ago. Ain't entirely sure what happened with him though, never did get to the bottom of that."

"And his brother?"

"Pete? He's still around." And for the first time tonight Nick looks like he doesn't know what to say as he glances awkwardly around the room. "Look, Tim, he don't do none of that crap no more. From what I hear he's settled down, turned himself around some and we both know he wasn't the brains behind any of that trouble we all had. So how about you just let it go?"

Wonder why he's so uncomfortable. Ain't like he owes Myers anything, like they were buddies or nothing, like he would ever stick up for either of them, especially after what they did to him that time. Not entirely sure that I share his opinion of Pete not being all that influential before either.

"Yeah, yeah. Look, I'm not after no trouble. Just needed to know if I should be watching my back now I'm home." For a second I think about asking him the other thing that's been on my mind, but decide better of it and choose a different approach. "So how's your sister these days?"

"Sylv? Yeah, she's good. Married with a kid. Who'd have thought it - my sister actually settling down first out of everybody?"

"Yeah, was sure it would have been you and Judith." Think back to him giving up on us on account of that broad because she demanded he keep out of trouble.

"Like I said, that all fell apart pretty quick. Turned out that despite what she said she preferred her guys a little more wild after all. Ditched me for some guy out of Tiber Street, got knocked up, spends most her time home alone with a baby while he's in and out of county every other month."

Maybe I should persist a little more, because discussing his former girlfriend ain't exactly where I wanted the conversation to go, so I try to steer things round. "And the rest of that crowd, you see many of them around?"

He frowns a little, looks ill at ease again, like he's aware of precisely where I'm going with this but is deliberately misunderstanding me. "Like who?"

"No one in particular, just the people we all used to hang about with?"

"No. Don't think so." And then he a swig of his beer, looks at the floor, pushes a hand through his hair, before promptly changing the subject. "So how was it in there, really?"

Guess it was unrealistic thinking no one would ask. But we've spent the best part the night so far just catching up on what he's been doing and to be honest I'm more than happy to just listen. Got no real desire to share how things been for me, despite some people seeming to think it's cool I've been inside, think it makes you tough or something.

Only they don't have the first clue.

'Cause there ain't nothing tough about watching the closest you got to a real friend bleed out on a canteen floor and being powerless to help him, definitely nothing clever about... but God, I don't need to to think about any of that right now, can't afford to go there, risk losing it here, in front of all these people.

Shrug, look away, try not to think about it, about them, about what I've done. "It was nothing. Good to be home though. So how about them two then?"

Focusing my attention on the girls again, I try to settle on which one I'm aiming to pick up as we move to join them.

The bar is hot, crowded, getting noisier by the minute. Only it's a different kind of loud than I've been used to lately, people chatting and laughing over the music, no underlying level of tension. Least not yet, anyways. Hope to be long gone and somewhere a whole lot less busy by the time everyone's drunk enough for the fighting to start. I'm already trying to decide when would be a good time to suggest to her that we head someplace else, somewhere more private, trying to figure out whether the small amount of cash I've got left will keep us in drinks long enough for me to get that far, whether the expense will be worth it.

Glance up as the door bangs shut behind yet another crowd heading in, their voices sending the volume up a further notch as they call out to people they know and head towards the bar. There's six, maybe eight of them, guys and girls, picking their way through the crowd.

Bar's too busy, too dark, and I'm too far away to see who most of them are, but I when I do clock who's amongst them, I ain't feeling so keen to leave no more.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO**

"So what do you do?" Donna asks, smiling at me over the top of her glass, and I try real hard to focus on answering her question, to not keep looking back across the room as I try to convince myself that I'm happy enough here talking to this girl I got my arm around.

"I'm starting something new on Monday, been out of town for a while, just got back a couple days ago."

"Yeah? Doing what?"

Think about it, realise I don't exactly know; Barnes didn't give me a whole lot of information in the meeting yesterday. "Something that's been lined up for me by my ... by a friend." Don't really want to get into it all, spill the details on my parole officer to her, hope she don't ask exactly where it is I've been lately. Figure girls always like talking about themselves so try to find a way to turn the conversation back round to her as I glance across at Nick - seems he's real keen on her friend. Me though, well I'm kind of regretting getting involved in this now. She's a decent enough looking girl but she wouldn't be my first choice.

Not now, anyway.

"So what do you like doing?"

"All kinds of things. Love going to the movies though, go most weeks, seen some really good things, have you seen..."

It's at this point I stop listening, just try to nod, or smile or whatever in the right places while my mind wanders. I don't have the first clue what she's talking about, haven't heard of, let alone seen most of what she's talking about, don't care whether she likes Robert Redford better while her friend still prefers Brando.

Last time I went to the movies was probably only the drive in and I don't know that I saw a whole lot of what was going on up on the screen anyway, 'cause I was there with Leigh. Leigh who's standing there across the bar right now and who doesn't appear to have the first clue I'm here. God, but she sure looks a whole lot better than I remember.

The conversation continues around me, has moved on to something else so that I ain't entirely sure what Donna's talking about now, and I'm pleased when her friend chips in with something, so I don't have to attempt a reply. Think it could be songs they like. Maybe. Nick shoots me a questioning look, cranes his neck and takes a quick look around to try to see what's bothering me, shakes his head ever so slightly and rolls his eyes when he realises where I'm looking, while I force myself to think of something to say.

Don't last long though and it don't take more than a couple of minutes for my attention to be wandering back across the bar. She looks real happy over there, smiling and laughing, still oblivious to the fact that I'm here in the same room.

Didn't expect to be this bothered, to feel like this.

Until tonight I'd actually believed my own lies, all those things that I'd told her the last time we spoke. I know it's only been a couple of days but since I've got back I've done nothing about contacting her, haven't tried to find her, talk to her, didn't think I even wanted to.

Only now, it's a whole different story. Because now I've seen her, well there's no way in hell I'm leaving without doing something about it.

Few minutes later she finally says goodbye to the girl she's been talking with, heads towards the back of the place, the restrooms I guess.

"So, who wants another?" My beer is almost gone and right now I could go for something stronger. Gives me a good excuse to get away at least, and I'm on my feet as the others nod, tell me what they want, shrug off Nick's offer to help, tell him I'll manage just fine. Don't want him, or anyone else, getting involved in this.

Still, there can't be no harm in just saying hello, a chance meeting in a bar, can there?

"Hello, Leigh."

"Tim?" She looks stunned, her voice barely more than a whisper, as she just stops dead in her tracks, stares up at me. "When did you...?" Her words trail away, the sentence left unfinished.

"Got back late Thursday. You look well." And she does. Hardly a great line though, out of all the options I could have picked I go for 'well'. Not something like 'amazing' or 'beautiful' or a little more... I don't know, obvious, as to what I'm thinking, like flat out admitting how fucking good it is to see her again.

"Thanks." She don't smile at me though.

"So are you here on your own?"

She shakes her head and her voice is cold, unfriendly, as she answers me. "Why? What's it matter to you? I mean it's not like I owe you no explanations, Tim, like it's any of your damn business what I do."

"Jesus, Leigh, I ain't seen you in over a year, thought we could—"

"Could what? Catch up, reminisce over all the fun times we had? Or be friends again, just pick up where we left off? You didn't see me through your own choice, Tim. You told me to stay away from you. Surely you don't actually think that I've spent all this time sitting around like some lovesick schoolgirl, just waiting for you to come back, hoping you'd still be interested in me?"

"Look, why don't you just stay for a few minutes, have one drink with me? Please?" Surprise myself with just quite how much I want her to say yes.

She just sighs at this though, shakes her head. "Listen, Tim, it's good you're back, and honest, I can't imagine how bad it must have been for you and I'm so, so, glad you didn't have to do that full three years." She pauses, rests a hand gently on my forearm. "But time didn't stand still out here, a lot's changed for everybody. And besides, I'm here with someone. So even if I wanted to—"

"Hell, your friend won't mind will she?"

"No, you aren't listening to me. I can't stay and have a drink with you because I'm here _with_ somebody."

"Oh."

We stand here awkwardly for a couple seconds, while I'm wondering whether it's worth pushing it anymore. Don't want to come off too fucking desperate. But then maybe one more try, has to be worth it. Only as I try to formulate what to say I run out of time, because she's looking past me, frowning a little.

"Well, it was nice seeing you, Tim. Have a good night, make sure to say hello to Nick for me." She steps a little closer, her hand still on my arm, and for a split second I imagine she's going to kiss me. Want to hold her close, but I can't seem to make myself move and then all too soon it's too late, because she speaks one last time, softer, friendlier this time, finally actually smiles at me. "Take care of yourself, Tim. I really am pleased you're okay."

And with that she's gone, disappearing into the crowd, heading to a table over the far side by the windows, people shifting to make room for her as she sits next to some guy who slips an arm around her, leans in to kiss her.

Christ. It can't be.

I need some air, some space.

Can't deal with this on top of all the fucking noise, the people pushing past.

Reckon I'm one small step away from losing it and landing myself in a world of trouble. Just need to get out of here, get away, get my head together.

xxxxxx

"Jesus, Tim, you okay?"

Nick looks me over as I stand here, leaning back against the wall of the store next door, my head resting against the brickwork, on my second cigarette already by the time he finds me.

"Just fine."

"Don't look it." He grins, but I can't make myself smile, make light of what the fuck I've just seen. "So what's on? Too many beers or something?"

"You know she'd be here tonight?"

"Who? He mutters, jamming his hands in his pockets, while he don't quite look me in the eye. Like he actually thinks there might be more than one person who'd have this effect on me.

"Who d'you damn well think?"

"No. Course not."

"But you know she's with him now?" Push myself away from the wall, turn ever so slightly towards him. Hell, I know I ain't really mad at him, that it's not Nick I want to punch, but the tension's getting to me a little, don't like the thought that things have changed so damn much, that I got no control over things, feel like I need to be doing _something_.

"Well, yeah."

"Should have fucking told me, Nick."

"Yeah? I'm surprised you even care. You ain't ever exactly been the sentimental type, Shepard, or is it just your pride talking, 'cause Leigh's managed to get on just fine without you?" He's looking tense, defensive now, his stance changing as he watches me a little more carefully.

"So you think it don't matter that Pete Myers is seeing my girl?"

"Your girl? Don't make me laugh, it's was over between you two a damn long time ago. Sylvia told me all that you said to Leigh, up at McAlester."

Ain't exactly pleased he knows, that day sure wasn't one of my finest moments. Take a couple of steps away, not sure what I'm doing, before I turn back to face him. "But how the fuck did she end up with scum like him?"

Nick shrugs "I don't know, guess she always knew them some from Frank. Ain't like she runs her choices past me, is it? Pete don't seem to be no trouble anymore though, not since his brother quit town anyway."

"But after all they did, back then, how the hell can you stick up for the jerk?"

"Look, Tim, don't get me wrong, we ain't friends or nothing but I reckon we all did things we ain't exactly proud of back in those days. And I know that you feel it worse on account of whatever happened to get you sent down. But you didn't ever tell me what went on that night, and I'm assuming you never told her either? So how on earth were any of us meant to know what the big deal was, other than you and Wayne both being hell bent on destroying each other any way possible and dragging everybody else down with you?"

He stares at me, as I think over it all, finish my smoke, shove my hands in my pockets. "Still don't make it right."

"Look, why don't you just forget it? Come back in and have that drink? I'm hitting it off pretty well with Elaine, don't need you to screw it all up. So I'd appreciate you keeping Donna occupied, so she don't get all huffy and want them both to leave just yet."

"I don't know." And I don't. Honestly don't know that I can stop myself from saying, or – even worse- doing, something. Not now I know Myers is in there. With Leigh. Christ, ain't no way I can just stand there and watch the two of them together.

No way in hell.

Then I think on that promise I made to Ray just a couple days ago. I can't fuck up this soon, ain't prepared to get sent back to McAlester before I've even been out a week. Need to make sure that what happened to Bobby, what he did for me, wasn't for nothing.

"Shepard?"

Glancing over at him, I realise he's waiting for me to make up my mind. "Maybe I should just head home."

"Look, Tim, why don't I go get the girls, we'll head someplace else? Might take your mind off of it, ain't no point dwelling on the past."

Perhaps Miller's right; maybe I'm just an arrogant asshole who can't accept things have changed. Why wouldn't Leigh have just got on with her life – I mean that's what I told her to do. Right after I told her she never meant anything to me and that I never wanted to see her again.

"Yeah, yeah, okay."

And really, once we're out of there, it turns out Donna is actually pretty good company. So that as we're heading into her place later that night, drunkenly fumbling our way to her room, while she laughs and tells me in a mock-whisper to keep the noise down in case we wake her grandma, then I figure maybe I got it wrong, that everything might work out just fine, that all that business can stay in the past where it belongs and I can get on with this new start.

Except that feeling don't last long, 'cause as we go through the motions it turns out that it ain't the brunette in my arms I'm thinking of and this isn't actually where I want to be, after all.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE**

"Tim, is that you?"

I'd been hoping to get in the house without anyone noticing, without any hassle, being as it's the middle of the damn night and I ain't exactly feeling sociable right now. Thought at worst I'd have to dodge twenty questions about who I've been with from Curly, only I guess I should have known better, 'cause not one thing tonight has gone exactly how I'd have wanted it to tonight. Trudging wearily in the direction of her voice, I find her sitting at the kitchen table, cigarette burning down in the ashtray while she turns a cup round and round in her hands, looking like she hasn't hardly moved since I left the house all those hours ago.

"Hey, Ma. Yeah, it's only me. Why're you still up?"

"Was waiting for you to come home."

Jesus. I wonder what the hell is wrong now. What she needs me to sort, to fix this time. Wonder how she's managed the past eighteen months without having me here to shoulder everything for her.

Glance up at the clock. Two in the morning. Guess that the walk home took me a whole lot longer than I thought, especially with that detour. The not being able to stop myself walking the long way home through the neighbourhood, along those all too familiar streets. Kidding myself I just wanted some air, some time alone - until I finally found myself lingering uncertainly outside the place I'd already spent half the night wishing I was, trying to figure out what on earth I was hoping to achieve by going there anyway.

Except everything about it had been off somehow.

'Cause there was no truck on the drive, just some beat up old wreck of a car with a wheel missing, long grass overrunning the small front yard that Frank was always so particular about keeping tidy, the glass cracked in the front window.

Had to count the houses twice to make sure I got the right one, even though I already knew I wasn't mistaken, 'cause with all the time I spent there back in the day, there is no way on earth I could get it confused, could ever forget. And then that just set me wondering what's changed, why they evidently don't live there now, and whether she's even home at all – wherever the hell that is these days – or if she's still out someplace else. And that _really_ don't bear thinking about.

Pete fucking Myers. I don't know that I'd go searching for him. But if I ran into somewhere, where no one would see us, no witnesses? I don't know that I'd be able to just walk away, do nothing.

Rub my forehead, can feel a headache setting in already. Should have just come home hours ago, saved myself the trouble of a second-rate encounter with a girl who was most definitely not my first choice. Push away those thoughts and settle instead for turning my attention back to my mother, in the hope that if I get her sorted then maybe I can get some sleep sometime soon.

"Why? What do you need me to do?"

"Nothing."

"You and Harry been fighting again then?"

Ma shakes her head. "No, he's not home."

"Need money? Bills to pay? 'Cause you got to know I ain't got a whole lot, won't get paid 'til I've worked the full week at least."

"No, it ain't that, Tim."

I am too fucking tired for this right now. Got too much going round my head to deal with her dramas too. "Then what the hell is it, Ma?"

"Just wanted to know you were safe. That you hadn't... gone. Again."

Nearly laugh, just manage to stop myself at the last second, cause honestly it isn't funny that the last time it felt like she ever truly gave a damn about whatever I was doing was so fucking long ago I can't actually remember. And I know I should just damn well shut up and walk away, let it go, but after all I've seen tonight that ain't looking likely. Suppose I'm going to get that fight I was looking for after all - and after the years of practice the pair of us have had, I'm well aware that I can count on her to not just let it go.

"Jesus, I'm twenty fucking years old, you don't need to be waiting up on me, Ma. You never cared when I was a kid, so don't fucking bother starting now."

She's up on her feet now, scowling at me as I fill a glass with water and search through the drawer for aspirin.

"Never cared? Who had to try to explain to your teachers that you were a good boy really? Had to sit there waiting in the hospital when you got cut up so bad that night, or come fetch you all those times down the police station? Who was it had to watch while they sent you off to that reform school, sitting there terrified that maybe they wouldn't let you come home, that they'd send you some place better than here, take you away from me?"

Swallow down the pills, and turn back to face her. "Yeah? Well maybe we'd all have been better off if they had."

I know instantly I've gone too far, that I don't really mean it. Watch as she crumples, tears streaming from her eyes and her words unintelligible as she slumps down in the chair again mumbling to herself.

"Jesus, Ma." Know I should do something to put things right, only I'm beat to it as my brother appears out of nowhere, sinks down on the chair next to her and takes her hand. Wonder how much of our fight he heard, how he finds it so much fucking easier to deal with her than I do these days, and where Angela is and why she's not in here getting involved too.

"It's alright, Ma, he didn't mean it, did you, Tim? Probably just had too many beers." Frowns up at me, as he pushes me to respond. "Tim?"

"Yeah, most likely."

Watch as Curly picks through her pill jars until he finds the one he wants, tips a single tablet into the palm of his hand and offers it to her. "Tim ain't gonna get in no more trouble, Ma, he's here, home. So why don't you just go to bed now? Take this and everything'll be better in the morning, I promise."

Loud laughter breaks through the tension, 'cause it's at this precise moment that her jerk of a husband pitches up, the door banging on it's hinges as he stumbles in drunk from another night on the town, squaring up to me.

"Better in the morning? What a fucking joke. Fucking waste of space. Just like your damn father was, ain't no way you're gonna keep yourself out of trouble, boy. Might as well face up to the fact that you're gonna get yourself sent back there sooner rather than later, should have saved everyone the bother and just kept you there."

Only before I get the chance to tell Harry exactly what I think of him and his fucking opinions, Ma's yelling in his face, screaming at him that he don't know nothing, as Curly positions himself between them and tries in vain to calm her down while snapping at Harry to leave her alone, and then to top it all off Angela finally storms into the room, hollering for everyone to shut the fuck up and why are we all such losers?

First time since I've been back we've all been in the same room at the same time.

Reckon if Mr 'family can be a great support to you in rebuilding your life' parole officer could see the five of us now, he'd soon be changing his tune about that suggestion.

Can't take any more of this, and everyone else is so caught up in their bickering that not one of them seems to notice me walk away, slip out the front door.

xxxxxx

Don't know how long I've been out here, but I'm kind of disappointed when the door creaks open. Glance up and at least it's only Curly. Turn away again and stare across the street into the darkness as he settles himself next to me on the step.

"You want a smoke?" he asks, holding one out to me.

"Cheers." As I light it I can see him from the corner of my eye, watching me like he's wanting me to say something, explain what happened. Only there really ain't a lot to say, just wish he'd fuck off and leave me be.

"So what the hell, Tim?"

Shrug at him. Haven't ever been one for sharing and don't know that he'd get it anyway. Every damn thing was supposed to be better once I got out, was what I been aiming for, all I been thinking about since I first got sent there.

So how come now I've got what I wanted that it feels like I don't belong here anymore?

Spent so long focusing on getting out that, despite all Ray's tales of warning, I guess I never really considered that things wouldn't be the same or that everything wouldn't just fall back into place like I'd never been away. Now though, I suppose I can actually understand why so many guys didn't ever seem so bothered about going back in, 'cause if it's this hard after a year and a half I can't imagine how difficult it must feel after ten years or more.

Only he ain't letting it go yet, asks me again, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, Curly, I'm fine. Why don't you go get some sleep?"

Drags himself to his feet. "Yeah, okay. You coming in too?"

"In a while." Pull my cigarettes from my pocket. "Reckon I'll have one last smoke first."

Watch until he's shuffled back inside, only now I'm finally alone again everything that's happened since I got back starts running through my mind, again and again.

Try to persuade myself that it's only been a couple of days, that it's got to be natural to feel like this, and that all the shit that's been bothering me tonight will feel a whole lot less important soon enough. That maybe once I got work to focus on, less time to think, had a decent night's sleep even, then maybe everything will start to get easier and being back here will feel right again.

It has to get better than this, don't it?

Otherwise what the hell is the point of even trying?

* * *

 **A/N:** Thanks to everyone who's been reading and reviewing so far, really appreciate it :)


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Thanks to everyone reading, and for the reviews :)

* * *

 **CHAPTER FOUR**

 _Friday afternoon._

Three o'clock on a Friday afternoon.

Feels like I've been waiting for hours by the time he finally opens the door, ushers out some other guy then waves me in.

"You managed to keep yourself out of trouble or is there anything you got to tell me?" Barnes asks, leaning back in his chair and studying me as I take the seat opposite that he's been pointing at.

Reckon this must be his idea of a joke, making my appointment time now, when everyone else at work has knocked off already and headed straight in the nearest bar, winding down for the weekend. Everyone except me, of course, 'cause I got to sit through my weekly interview down here at the parole office.

"It's only been a week."

He just chuckles to himself at this, like it's the funniest thing he's heard all day or something. "Seen it all in this job, son. You'd be surprised how quickly some folk can land themselves back in hot water, almost like they want to go back. So why don't you tell me how that job's working out?"

Spend more than an hour in the tiny, stuffy room perched on that uncomfortable chair while he scribbles illegible notes in my file and asks me question after question after question until he's finally happy he's got all he needs.

"Okay then, Mr Shepard, I'll see you next week."

"What time?"

"Oh, same as this week. Unless you got a problem with that?"

"Should I have?"

He laughs. "Alright then, we'll see how you go and if you actually manage to make it through the first month without any trouble then I'll maybe consider making it once a fortnight."

xxxxxx

Finally my time is my own. Although now it is, I ain't so sure what to do.

Suppose I could call up Donna, arrange to do something later. Except I already did that Wednesday, when I'd needed to be anywhere but home for a while and it seemed like the easy option. So calling her two nights in quick succession don't feel like such a hot idea. Don't want her thinking it's anything more serious than it is right now.

Or since I finally got paid maybe I'll go catch up with some of the guys, sink a few beers. Simmonds or Lang are bound to be about somewhere.

First things first though, it hits me that I'm real hungry. Think about heading across to Jay's, until I remember there's someplace closer and take the next right instead. Figure this will do despite the memories, the associations, 'cause if nothing else the food was always pretty damn good.

Looking around it seems the place hasn't changed a bit. It's still got them shiny red seats and is too damn hot like always so the windows are misted with condensation. Although right now the place is pretty quiet, just a table packed with high school kids and a couple of families further back.

There's no waitress in sight, just the old woman I recognise as the owner's wife stood leaning on the counter chatting loudly with a couple of regulars. She glances over, cracks a grin at me, like she remembers exactly who I am, why I used to come here. "Take a seat, honey, she'll be out in a minute."

"Sure." Slip into an empty seat and pick up the menu, read it even though it hasn't changed a bit from how I remember it, that is until her voice brings me back to reality with a jolt. Might have been sat here thinking about her, but I sure as hell wasn't expecting to actually see her.

"Would you like coffee?"

Jesus. For once in my life I'm lost for words, find myself just staring up at Leigh, run my hand through my hair until I guess my silence makes her feel uncomfortable enough that she feels the need to pick up the conversation and speak for me.

"Well, this is weird, huh? You want me to get Edie to come take your order instead?" She looks uncertainly towards the other woman over by the counter.

"What? No, it's just I didn't expect you to be here. Thought you quit this place for good?"

Look her up and down and try to pull myself together as she reaches for a cup and pours me a coffee. She's right, it is weird 'cause it feels like I'm somehow back in those early days when I very first met her, seeing her standing there in that same uniform, hair pinned back, name badge on her chest.

"Yeah, well, not everything always works out the way you want it to, does it?"

"Why? What happened?"

"It's a long story, Tim. Long and boring. I'd rather not go into it, and I'm certain you don't want to hear it."

"Try me."

Leigh sighs, as another couple of people come in and take seats. "I can't, I got to get back to work. You want to order anything or not?"

Still, at least she doesn't flat out tell me to get lost or nothing, and if I'm ordering something she'll have to come back. "Sure. Do they still do those real good cheeseburgers?"

"Yeah."

"That then, fries too. D'you get a break soon? Could come and join me, just catch up a little?"

She glances up at the clock, bites her lip. "No, but I finish pretty soon. I suppose I could spare a few minutes then, if you're still here."

"Yeah, you got to go meet—" Change track on what I'm saying, don't want to say his name, bring Myers between us just yet. "Frank or something?"

As the colour drains from her cheeks I know straight away I've somehow still managed to say the wrong thing. Watch as she closes her eyes for a couple of seconds, her voice shaky when she finally does answer me. "No. I don't have to, I mean… he's not… God. Well I suppose you never heard, did you?"

And then it hits me, what she's trying and failing to tell me as she goes round in circles, stumbling over the words. That her old man who'd been real sick back then, well I guess he ain't around no more.

"Jesus, Leigh. I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"S'all right, no reason you should, is there?" She hurriedly wipes at her eyes with the back of her hand, but carries on anyway. "I have to get on, but I'll come back over when I'm done, okay?"

xxxxxx

That waiting earlier was nothing compared to this.

Having to sit here, watching her while she works and waiting for her to finish, it feels like time is standing still, going backwards even. And just as I'm beginning to think she ain't ever going to get away, some other girl wearing an identical green dress flies in through the door, calling out her apologies as she shrugs off her coat. And then, finally, Leigh's here, standing at the end the table, smiling at me.

"You want to sit down?"

She shakes her head, "No, I've been here long enough today. Let's go someplace else."

"So where d'you want to go?" I follow her out the door, hoping to God that now she's actually wanting to spend some time with me that I don't do anything to blow this - whatever the hell _this_ is.

"How about across the street? I don't know about you, but I sure could use a beer about now?" And she don't wait for me to answer, just heads inside, greets the guy who's clearing tables like she's known him forever, then orders a couple beers before waving away my offer to pay.

"No, sit down, this is on me. Welcome home, Tim."

"Thanks, darling."

She passes me the bottle, and for a split second my hand brushes hers. Don't know that she notices though. Or maybe she does, and it just don't have the same effect on her. She sits opposite me, smiles at me.

"So, how are you filling your time now your home?"

"Working, mostly."

"Yeah? So what you doing these days? You gone back on the construction sites?"

"No, my parole officer sorted me something over some engineering firm. Official job title is press brake operator."

"Don't have a clue what that is," she says, laughing a little, "but it sounds, um, interesting?"

"Yeah, suppose it ain't too bad."

She always was easy to talk to and I find myself telling her about my week, the work, how it's meant to give me reason to keep out of jail. Hopefully. Omit to tell her it's been boring as fuck, that they haven't trusted me to do nothing but lugging sheet metal about the place or cleaning the machines and sweeping the floor. All the usual crappy new guy shit so far. "So how are things with you, Leigh? You gonna tell me why in hell you're back working at the diner?"

She shrugs, fiddles with the label on the beer bottle, peeling it back a little, don't look at me as she answers, "I don't know. I had to take too much time off when my dad was in the hospital, and then after too, having to try to deal with everything when he died. The other place got fed up with me, ended up telling me not to come back, that they didn't need me no more."

"Yeah? They're idiots then, their loss."

She smiles a little at my outburst. "Yeah, well I guess they didn't see it quite like that, apparently I was too unreliable. So anyway, I ended up doing what I could to get by. Get what hours I can doing secretarial work for an agency. Only it's not ever regular hours so Joe offered me some shifts back at the diner too, for when I need them. Just as well really, don't know how I'd have managed otherwise."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Well, bills don't pay themselves, do they?"

"Jesus, darling, I'm sorry, that I wasn't here, with all that going on for you."

"Hell, don't be. You probably wouldn't have stuck with me anyways, Tim. I mean I know it seemed real important back then, but we were just a couple of kids, thinking we were so grown up. Like you said at the time, none of it actually meant anything to you, anyway."

And hearing her say that, like she believed everything I'd told her, well that just makes me feel lousy. Maybe she is just humouring me by being here and it don't mean anything more than us having a beer together.

"I don't think—"

"Don't worry about it, that was all a long time ago. Think we've both changed a lot since then. There's no point dwelling on the past, is there? It won't change anything."

"Suppose so." Still want to ask her about Myers, why she's sitting here with me and not out someplace with him tonight. But there's no way I'm bringing that subject up, not yet anyway, got no wish to send things back to being awkward between us again.

"Okay, so tell me what else have you been doing since you got back?"

And after I get us another drink, the conversation eases a little again as she throws a whole host of questions at me, tells me about when she saw my brother last and asks how Angela is doing, and its all going great until some pair of guys stroll in.

"Oh, damn it," she mutters, more to herself than anything else.

"You okay?" I glance round, wondering what's bothering her, as they walk past, one of them that I vaguely recognise giving her a questioning look as he passes by.

"Evening, Leigh. Shepard. Fancy running into the pair of you in here."

"Hey, Richie." And she watches him, frowning, until him and his buddy are out of her line of sight.

"What's all that about?"

"It's nothing, don't worry about it, Richie Evans is just a jerk is all. Oh, did Nick tell you about Sylv?" and she don't give me the opportunity to ask no more as she tells me all about Sylvia getting married and how gorgeous her kid is. Find myself moving my chair just a little closer as I hand her another drink, try not to let my imagination get too ahead of me on what exactly I'm thinking is happening here.

'Cause as much as it's good to be with her, and it feels a whole lot like old times sitting listening to her, I can't help but get the feeling that this doesn't really mean the same to her as it does to me. And her next question pretty much confirms that depressing thought.

"So, how're things going with your new girl?"

"My what?"

She grins at me. "Saw Nick over at Sylv's last night. Is it that same girl from Saturday? She's real pretty."

"Yeah. Suppose she is."

Fuck. Fucking Miller and his inability to shut the fuck up about shit he's got no damn business talking about.

"You seeing her again?"

"Don't know."

"Reckon you should, two of you sure make a nice looking couple."

So much for my half-baked hopes that she was here 'cause she was wanting any more from me than us being friends. Don't exactly seem likely when she's asking me about who I'm seeing. Especially not when she's hooked up with Myers anyway. Jesus, this is not what I want to be talking about with her. Find myself needing a little space, make my excuses and head to the bathroom, take a couple of minutes to try to sort my head out.

Except then I wonder if that's only made things worse. Because heading back across the bar I spot that same loser from earlier talking at her. Manage to catch her reply as I get closer to the pair of them.

"Jesus, Richie, it's no big deal. I'm just here having a drink with a friend is all."

"Don't think that Pete would see it the same way, do you? Everyone in town knows you two got history."

"Tell Pete whatever you like, but do you honestly think I'd be sat here in the middle of a bar with him if I had something to hide?"

Rest a hand on her shoulder, make her jump a little. "Everything alright here?"

"Yeah, Richie here was just leaving, weren't you Rich?" She frowns, folds her arms.

"Sure, I'm going, don't think I won't tell him though. Always told him any broad who'd been willing to screw around with that fucker was nothing special. Everyone knows you're nothing but some cheap fucking—"

Except I don't give him the opportunity to finish whatever the hell choice insult he was going for. No way I'm prepared to just stand here and listen to him say untrue shit like that about her. So without even considering what I'm doing, I take a swing at him, and then we're brawling.

Straight off its obvious to me this won't take long.

Evans might think he's some tough guy, but honestly, he ain't, he wouldn't last five minutes in McAlester. Hell, even Curly could handle him. Just find myself hitting him again, and again, ignoring the fact she's begging me to stop and that this ain't exactly the most sensible course of action. Takes me barely any time at all to catch him just right, to feel the satisfying crunch of bone against my knuckles as his nose breaks and the blood pours down his face while he stumbles back. Only I can't leave it there, continue pounding him until he falls to the floor.

Smirk at Evans while he sits there, clutching his nose, as the barman yells at me to get the fuck out and his buddy stands there cursing at me, threatening me. And I'm seriously considering taking him down, shutting him up too – until Leigh grabs my hand.

"Please, Tim, just leave it, let's just get out of here? Please?" And she sounds so damn desperate, looking up at me like she don't know who the fuck I am no more, that I just do as she asks. Follow her out, hoping to hell that she don't hate me for what I just done. That she understands I only did it for her, to take care of her, protect her.

So much for avoiding trouble.

Maybe Barnes was right, maybe I won't last too much longer out here, after all.


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER FIVE**

"Have you got your car somewhere nearby? You need to get away from here, soon as you can."

As we step out onto the sidewalk she glances hastily up and down the street, then back over her shoulder at the bar. She looks pale, unwell, is speaking too fast. For someone who's grown up hanging around a boxing club she seems surprisingly bothered by what she's just watched me do.

"Yeah, it's just back along there, past the diner."

"Well get going then, before they come after you or someone calls the cops or something."

"Ain't no one gonna do that round here, sweetheart." Or at least I hope not, hadn't even crossed my mind 'til she says it.

"You sure about that? Damn it, Tim, what the hell were you thinking?" she snaps, as I follow her away from the building. "Are you _trying_ to get yourself sent back there? What if someone does report you?"

"Evans ain't doing that, and even if he does I'll claim it was self-defence, it would be my word against his. You could back me up too."

"Yeah? And how about the fact you shouldn't even be drinking in a bar in the first place? You still aren't twenty-one yet, right? What if they decide to use that against you?"

"For God's sake, Leigh. Why am I the bad guy in this? He shouldn't be fucking saying shit like that about you in the first place."

"Jesus, Tim, you beat him half to death, you were out of control. I didn't think...I mean... it seemed like you were never gonna stop."

"He deserved what he fucking got."

She shakes her head, runs her hand through her hair. "You don't think I haven't heard it all before, been called things a hundred times worse and a damn sight more original than anything Richie Evans could come up with? How exactly d'you imagine I've coped the past year and a half? I don't need you coming back here, thinking I want you taking care of me."

Go to jam my hands in my pockets, only I realise my right knuckles aren't just sore, they're bleeding. Focus instead on rubbing at them as I reply, "Still don't mean I have to like it, let him get away with it."

We've reached the car now and she stops, just glares at me. "And you didn't stop to think that you'd maybe be making it a million times worse for me? Now that asshole won't just forget it, he's gonna go tell tales on me. And you doing that to him don't exactly help me sound convincing when I'm telling Pete that all we were doing was talking."

And I know I shouldn't, but her whole attitude, her hostility to me, makes me shout right back at her. "Yeah? Well if you're so fucking worried about what Myers thinks then why d'you even come here? And why aren't you with him now, instead of hanging around with me?"

"Because he's working tonight, he's on the night shift this month." She sighs, exasperated. "Only now I got to make sure the first thing I talk to him about in the morning is you - before Richie Evans or one of his loser buddies gets to him. Jesus that's going to be a great start to my day isn't it? Can't just leave it and drop into the conversation that I've seen you. No, it's got be made into some big deal instead, like it was something important. I mean it's just going to sound ridiculous, isn't it... _Hey, how was work? Oh and by the way, whatever you hear about me, it isn't true…yeah, I know he hit Richie, but it don't mean there was anything going on."_ She pauses, looks like she might cry, only she don't sound upset, just seems even angrier, if that's possible _._ "Oh, and I'm here with you because I'm clearly an idiot. Should have known better than to think there was any point in trying to just be friends with you."

She stares at the car, as I try some ill-advised effort to calm her down, though I've no clue what to say to make things any better. "Leigh, I'm sorry."

"Just get in the damn car, Tim, get out of here before you get either of us in any more shit." And on that she starts to walk away.

"Where're you going?" I ask, starting to follow her.

"Where d'you think? I'm going home."

"I'm not leaving you here by yourself."

"Just go, Tim."

"No. I won't leave you here alone, Leigh. Just come with me, please?"

xxxxxx

Take a sideways glance at her as I drive.

She's leaning her head against the glass of the passenger window, eyes on the road, not me, biting her nails. Pretty obvious that she's still pissed at me, can't say I blame her, but the silent treatment is making me uncomfortable. Turn onto the street she told me she's living on and come to a stop outside the stretch of run-down buildings, a row of small shops with rooms above them - a hardware store, laundromat, thrift store, all of which look like they've seen better days, that's for sure. Almost makes our street feel like a decent neighbourhood. Wonder why in hell she's living in a dump like this, why she don't have that house of Frank's still.

Follow her out of the car and the both of us stand awkwardly on the sidewalk for a few seconds, until finally she breaks the silence.

"Hell, but you're a mess." She reaches out and takes my hand, examines my swollen bloody knuckles, before running her hand along my jaw, over the new bruises and the old familiar scars. "Does it hurt real bad?"

And as I shake my head, some small hope she's gonna ask me to stay creeps into the edges of my mind, that she wouldn't still be standing here, saying this, if she didn't care at all. Don't want to move, wreck this, but in the end I don't have to. She snaps out of it herself and drops her hand to her side, takes a half step away from me.

"Look, Tim, Maybe it'd be better if we just forget it? It seems there's nothing to be gained by us trying to be friends, and honestly we don't have a reason to hang out together no more. I mean if I see you with Nick or something, sure I'll speak to you. But otherwise, it would probably be safer all-round that we just leave each other to get on with our lives, don't you think?"

I can't answer that, don't want to agree to what she's saying, but I guess she takes my silence that way.

"And promise me you'll go straight home? That you won't get in any more trouble tonight. Especially not over me?"

"Yeah, okay. I promise. I'm sorry, about how things went earlier."

"Well, take care of yourself, Tim." And she turns away from me, towards the alleyway at the side of the building.

Can't deny I'm disappointed she's saying goodbye. Although why in hell I imagined she'd even consider inviting me in, God only knows. Figure that if she isn't going to speak to me after tonight then I might as well just ask her anyway, get the answer to the thing that's been eating away at me since I first found out about it.

"Before you go, just tell me one thing, Leigh."

She pauses, glances back over her shoulder. "And what's that?"

"Why the hell are you with him?"

"Does it matter?"

Want to tell her Pete Myers ain't a good guy, and only just manage to stop myself from saying it as I realise exactly how ludicrous that sounds. I'm pretty sure she doesn't have the first clue that Myers is some lowlife who helped his brother set me up, got me jailed. Reckon he's never beat up some guy right in front of her. And I'm damn sure _he_ 's never… well, don't need to remember all of that, all the bad stuff I've ever done, not right now. So what the fuck am I thinking, on the verge of telling her he's such a bad choice? Ain't even like I treated her real good myself.

"Guess not, so long as you're happy? So how long have you and Pete been...?" Together, a couple, dating, whatever, I can't actually say the words. How fucking pathetic does that make me right now?

"Not so long. Two, no three, months maybe." She smiles, just a little, as she steps back closer to me, rests a hand on my arm. "I really ought to go. Try to keep out of trouble, hey?" Then she quickly kisses me, her lips brushing my cheek, before she turns and hurries away, not looking back this time.

Except I barely even register that as her words spin around over and over in my mind, hitting me harder than a punch to the gut ever could.

'Cause it should be a good thing, the fact they haven't been together too long, that it don't appear to be anything real serious.

Only all I can think is that it's my own fault, and I've got what I deserve; that if I hadn't screwed my first chance at parole I'd have been back here six months ago - and maybe then we'd have had a whole different conversation.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N** : Thank you so much to everyone who's reading and reviewing :)

* * *

 **CHAPTER SIX**

 _Saturday afternoon._

"What in hell is going on in here?" The pair of them fall silent as I enter the room, the only noise now coming from the television that's still blaring away to nobody in the background. Just what I don't need, what with the headache I've got from trying to forget last night by hiding in the bottom of one of Harry's bourbon bottles. "And turn that fucking racket off too."

Angela glowers at Curly, stretches across and turns the dial to off, before she turns back to me. "Nothing's going on," she mutters, "aside from Curly thinking he can tell me what to do, for a change. Just 'cause you weren't here for a while he seems to think I have to do what he says instead."

"Yeah, well, if you weren't so damn stupid I wouldn't need to, would I?" he hisses back at her.

"And maybe it's none of your business who I spend my time with."

As I settle onto the couch their bickering picks up speed again, so that I'm beginning to regret even coming in here. Probably should have stayed in the bedroom. Except that ain't much better than sitting here, because the walls are so damn thin I can still hear them in there. Hell, maybe I should have gone out, avoided having to deal with all this crap completely.

"Of course it's my business when you're hanging around with a loser like Bryon Douglas. Tell her, Tim. Maybe she'll fucking listen to you."

Pay a little more attention at the sound of my name, and the fact Angela wants to be spending her time with some guy that Curly obviously don't care for.

"Hell, that ain't fair. Tim doesn't even know who he is."

"You want to change all that? Want me to come meet him, Ange, so I can tell you what I think of him?" I offer, smirking up at her.

"What? No! Jesus, I don't need either of you checking up on me all the time, you both do whatever the hell you want to."

"That's different," persists Curly.

"Why? Why should it be different for me? Because I'm a girl?"

And with that she's back to screaming at him about how unfair everything is, while Curly tries his hardest to drag me back into it, until finally I've had enough. Rub at my forehead, this pounding behind my eyes is getting real old.

"Damn it, right now I don't want to be hearing any of this, especially not the pair of you whining about it non-stop. So how about you quit it? If you ain't careful Ma'll be in here, then you'll both have a reason to feel sorry for yourselves."

And on that Angela flounces out across the hall, hear her slam her bedroom door behind her a couple of seconds later. Curly don't go anywhere though, just slumps down next to me on the couch.

Try real hard to ignore him, but he's shifting around in his seat and I can feel him glancing at me every few seconds, like he wants to say something but isn't sure whether to risk it or not.

"Spit it out, Curly, whatever the hell it is you've got on your mind."

From the corner of my eye I can see him fidget a little more, play with his lighter, take a deep breath. "So we've got a bit of a job lined up. Was wondering if you were interested? Could be like old times?"

"Not a chance."

"What? You going soft on me, Tim? It's going to be easy, It's me and a few of the guys—"

"Which guys?" I ask, interrupting him.

"Ryan, a couple of my other buddies."

"Why are you running this, not Lang then?"

"'Cause it was mostly my idea." He's grinning a little, some dumbass goofy smile, like he thinks I'm going to be impressed with whatever plan it is that he's come up with.

"So what, you're in charge suddenly? You thinking it'll be easy? Ain't no joke getting some bunch of assholes to keep it together and actually do what you need them to."

Curly laughs a little. "Yeah, I know, but I haven't been sitting around doing nothing and waiting for you to get home you know. Reckon you might be surprised these days, I mean don't forget I'm seventeen now, same age as you when you were running stuff. So what do you say Tim, you want in? You could run it, if you do?"

"No, I don't know that I'm interested in doing some petty job with a bunch of kids. Ain't exactly keen to get myself locked up again by getting caught up in whatever half-assed shit you got going on."

He shrugs, stares off across the room like he's trying not to look bothered. "Well, okay. But we're doing it whatever. And it's not dumb, it's gonna work real good, we'll make some decent money off of it."

Rest my head against the back of the couch and close my eyes. He don't need another trip to the reformatory because he hasn't thought something through well enough. Perhaps I should hear the details and iron out the problems for him at least. "Yeah, alright, maybe I'll think about it. So why don't you talk me through what you've got planned?"

xxxxxx

 _Wednesday evening._

Nick passes me a beer. We're sat in his kitchen, killing time before heading to a bar.

"So the girls will be around later, said we'd meet up with them."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, reckon Elaine's real special."

Can't help but laugh as he says that. "And I reckon you've said that about every broad you've ever dated since high school, Miller."

"Look, she'll have Donna with her, so don't fucking blow it for me by being a miserable ass. Maybe you ought to give her a bit more of a chance. God knows why, but she seems real keen on you, and she's not that bad is she?" he asks, smirking at me. "Besides, it ain't like you've got anyone else at the moment."

"Guess not." Scratch around for something else to talk about to change the subject, only seems I don't have to, and for about the first time in my life I'm pleased to hear Sylvia interrupting things.

"Hey, Nick, is Mom about?" She pauses briefly in the doorway, her baby balanced on her hip and a broad smile on her face as she crosses the room then hands her son to her brother. "Oh, I heard you were back causing trouble," she says, almost smiling at me.

But I suppose that's a good sign. Because at least for once she isn't bitching at me, not yet anyway.

"No, she'll be home soon. But I didn't think you were coming round until tomorrow? Thought you had other plans?"

"Yeah, well, that asshole ain't working tonight after all, so of course he made Leigh cancel on me."

"Payback? For all the times you ever blew her off to chase around after Winston back in high school?" asks Nick, grinning, as he bounces the baby a little on his knee and concentrates on making him laugh.

"Yeah, very funny. I guess she doesn't want to piss him off even more. He doesn't even trust her to come spend a couple of hours at my house anymore. Guy's a jerk."

"Thought they got on alright?"

Sylvia turns a little, points at me as she answers. "Yeah, well, I guess it's all down to your buddy over there, coming back and interfering in stuff he ought to leave well alone."

Want to ask her exactly what's been happening, but then I don't want to appear like I give a damn to Sylvia – or Nick for that matter - so I bite my tongue, hoping she'll elaborate. But she doesn't. Instead she starts talking a mile a minute to Nick about a hundred and one different things that she's been doing, how her husband's job is going, why she's here tonight looking for her mother. In the end I give up listening, let my mind wander to Leigh and that other unwanted encounter I had a couple days back.

 _Stepping out of work, I notice him straight away, smug fucking grin, cigarette hanging between his lips, leaning against the hood of my car._

 _"What the fuck do you want?"_

 _He doesn't move, instead he takes a drag on his smoke and carries on grinning at me. "Heard you had a little disagreement with a buddy of mine."_

 _"Reckon it should be him you should be having this conversation with, he's the one saying shit about your broad."_

 _Watch as he drops the cigarette to the floor, grinds it out beneath his heel. "Yeah, my broad, and don't you fucking forget that fact. Only it makes me wonder why you were hanging around her in the first place."_

 _Shrug my shoulders a little. "Just catching up with an old friend."_

 _"Yeah right. She might be some soft touch for your sob story and be too damn polite to tell you to get lost, but if it happens again..."_

 _He's standing up straight now, not touching me but close, in my face. He's taller than I remember, although I still reckon I could take him down easy enough. And there's a part of me that's half-hoping he does do something, that he pushes me into a fight. "Why? What exactly you gonna do to me, Myers?"_

 _"Keep out of stuff that doesn't concern you, Shepard, if you know what's good for you." And on that he turns, strolls away from me back across the street._

xxxxxx

I'm standing out by the car, waiting on Nick who's got caught up with their old man. Don't exactly mind, ain't like I'm in any real hurry to get there anyway.

"Hey, Tim?" Sylvia heads across the front yard, stands next to me on the sidewalk. "You aren't going to cause her no more trouble are you?"

"She told you what happened then?"

"Yeah. Only she doesn't need you making things even harder for her and he sure don't need no more excuses."

"What d'you mean?"

She shrugs, looks away. "Nothing, but everyone knows he always had a temper." She goes to walk away.

"Sylvia? Hang on a minute. What in hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. It don't mean nothing."

And that bothers me more than anything, 'cause Sylvia has never been one to keep her opinions to herself.

"Don't sound that way. You care to explain?"

She glances back at her brother who's still standing talking on the porch, then back at me. "I'm most likely wrong about it, imagining things. Only it all gives me a real bad feeling."

"About what?"

"The way Leigh is, when she's with him. She's... I don't know, I can't exactly explain it, except that she's different. She hasn't ever said anything, says he's good to her, that she likes him and all, but I think he's maybe... a little... Oh, I don't know, I guess it ain't no surprise she's different, what with losing Frank and everything. It's probably just my imagination running away with me, because I don't much like him."

Feel myself tense at her words. "What exactly are you trying to say?"

Sylvia shakes her head at me, as Nick approaches. "Look, it's probably nothing; only I don't think she's as happy as she makes out sometimes. Anyway, Mom's waiting on me, you two have a good night."

xxxxxx

Sylvia's words keep coming back into my mind throughout the rest of the night. Wonder what she expects me to do when in the next breath she's telling me to steer clear and not make any trouble. Whether despite what she's said I should go speak to Leigh, just one more time. Make sure she really is okay. And I've pretty much talked myself into doing that, next chance I get.

Until I'm driving Donna home, that is.

Have to stop at the lights near the movie theatre as the evening crowd spills out onto the street. Glancing over, I can't help but recognise the couple on the sidewalk. He's got his arm around her as he speaks, while she laughs and smiles, their attention entirely on each other, oblivious to everything going on around them.

She sure looks happy enough. Don't seem to me like she doesn't want to be there.

Seems like any problems between them are in Sylvia's imagination after all.

Suppose it's time I listen to what Leigh asked me and stop dwelling on the past. Take Nick's advice and actually give this other girl a chance. So when we finally reach Donna's and she turns to me, asks me, "do you want to stay for a while? Have another drink or something?" it doesn't take me any time at all to answer.

"Yeah, darling, I do."

xxxxxx

 _Friday afternoon._

Barnes stands there and looks me over as I walk in through the door, shakes his head like it don't exactly come as a surprise. "So are you going to tell me what the hell happened?"

Should have known better than to think he wouldn't notice. I shove my still-scabbed hand in my pocket as I shrug, ain't like I can exactly hide my other, fading, bruises from him anyways. "Did it at work, shifting the metal about."

"You honestly expect me to believe that? Suppose it jumped up and hit you in the face the same time?" He rests his palms on the edge of the desk, leans forwards a little. "Suppose you think I'm some kind of idiot pushover who'll believe whatever bullshit fairy tales you spin me?"

Shrug again and slump down into my chair. "Maybe I'm accident prone." And I guess by this point I'm really starting to piss him off.

He sits too, don't take his eyes off of me though. "Jesus, son. I know you think you're being smart, but I don't fucking need you lying to me."

And then he completely goes off on one, talking me through all the possibilities that fighting and getting pulled up on it would mean for me, reading me the riot act.

How there shouldn't be one damn thing on this earth that I should risk getting locked up over.

And finally I feel myself on the verge of losing it. Can't help but snap at him, even though I know the sensible choice would be to shut the hell up and just get this over with. "Look, if you're sending me back, just do it already, so I don't have to listen to you no more."

"Christ, kid. Given your fuck-ups inside you're damn lucky they let you out when they did. You think I don't know all the details, all the crap you were involved in up there? So how about you think of this as your last chance and don't make another stupid mistake?"

He pauses, stares at me for a couple of seconds. And I'm not sure if he's expecting me to say something or not. It ain't like I need him reminding me of all that happened, like it isn't in the back of my mind most the time as it is.

"Yeah, okay."

"Right, now get out of here, Shepard, before I change my mind. Don't forget, same time next week - if you're still in town."

Nod at him, then walk out and head back to the car. Only this week I don't make no detours.

This week I drive straight home.


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

 _May 1967._

 _Saturday afternoon._

"…so what do you think, Tim?"

Curly's been telling me his latest grand plans. After the last one worked out okay he wants me to help him fix some other job. Suppose I should have known better than to think it would be a one-time thing. Only as he presses me again for my opinion I'm not exactly sure what to say - mainly because I stopped listening a while ago. At the exact moment when I saw Leigh walk in through the door of Jay's, with Pete right there beside her.

For three weeks I've done a pretty good job of keeping things together, convincing myself that I'm fine with the way things are going for me. Until now, that is.

Myers is across near the window around the other side of the counter, shaking hands with some older guy, where he gets drawn immediately into some full blown conversation. But Leigh looks over, locks eyes with me for half a second before turning back to him and settling on the seat alongside him.

"You nearly done, Curly?" Can't sit here much longer, the prospect of having to see the pair of them there together turns my stomach.

"What? Why? You in a hurry or something?" He casts a glance around the room trying to see what's got into me before grinning at me.

"No. Just don't want to sit in here all day long."

He carries on talking and eating; I find my gaze wandering back to her.

"Are you going to eat that?" Curly asks as he kicks my foot then points at my half-eaten burger.

"What? No." Push my plate towards him. Seems I don't have an appetite no more. Least not for food anyway.

Look back and for a couple of seconds I think that she's gone. Only she hasn't left, she's here walking past our table and her eyes on me as she speaks. "Hello, Tim. Hi, Curly."

"Hey there, Leigh," my brother says, grinning at her. It seems I can't do this. Can't sit here and pretend like we're simply casual acquaintances. Do the only thing I can handle and say nothing. Turn my attention back to watching my brother cram his face full of food and make like I haven't seen the hurt in Leigh's eyes at me blanking her so blatantly.

Couple minutes later, she finishes up talking with the girls sitting a couple of tables over from us and passes back again. Only this time she don't say a word, just holds her head up high and ignores me right back, while Curly watches her then turns to me with an amused expression on his face.

"So, you're doing a bang up job of not being interested in her no more." He grins at me.

"Is that right?"

"Yeah. You haven't been able to stop staring at her since she got here."

"Bullshit."

"Liar."

Shrug; take another sip of my drink. "Don't matter anyway, she told me to stay away from her, that she's happy with Myers."

"Yeah, right. You've used pretty much every excuse going this past couple of weeks to avoid spending any time with Donna."

"What? So me ditching that other broad must mean I'm still hung up on Leigh? "

Curly laughs at me. "She's as bad. Every time I ran into her when you were in jail she was asking after you, if I'd heard from you."

"And? That don't mean anything."

Shakes his head. "Saw her in the store two days ago, and she's all ' _how is everybody?_ ' but I know full well she don't want to hear about Ange's latest little dramas or what I've been doing, that she only wants me to tell her something about you."

"Doesn't change the fact she's still with him."

"And how about if she knew what he did to you?"

"Don't know what you mean."

"Yeah, you do." He sighs. "When I came out the reformatory I asked around some, tried to find out what had actually happened to you 'cause I know you ain't dumb enough to go shooting no one. Ended up going to see Miller. He told me you'd said it was a set-up, by the Kings. Which has to mean Myers."

"Yeah, Wayne not Pete."

"So you're telling me he didn't know about it? Wasn't there that night?"

I don't say nothing either way to that, don't want to be having this conversation right now. Only I guess Curly takes my silence as free rein to carry on lecturing me.

"Come off it, Tim. Angela told me you two had made up right before you got sent down, that she was there in the court room. And even if you don't care no more, don't you think she deserves to know what he's really like?"

Don't know how to answer that. 'Cause if she ought to know the truth about Myers, then maybe she should know the same about me too, and that's not a place I want to go, not with anyone out here. Not now, not ever.

"No. And you keep your big mouth shut, Curly." I'm on my feet now; I need to put an end to this conversation once and for all. "I don't need her thinking she should be with me 'cause she feels fucking sorry for me. Don't want anyone's pity." What I do need is to get out of here. "Hurry the fuck up and finish that, or I'll be going without you."

Cut through the crowded diner and head outside. Fish around in my pocket for my cigarettes as I head across the parking lot, realise she's standing there, alone, leaning against the side of his car.

Even though I know she's seen me, I still go to cut through the rows of cars away from her, until she calls out to me and that stops me dead in my tracks. "So is this how it's going to be now, Tim? You gonna do everything you can to avoid speaking to me? Can't even bring yourself to say hello to me no more?"

Shrug at her, but I don't move, just stay where I am between the cars. "You told me to leave you alone, didn't you? Seemed like the easiest thing to do - especially when you're here with him."

"Doesn't mean you have to be so off with me."

"Damn it, Leigh. It was your choice for us to have nothing more to do with each other. Got the message loud and clear from both you and your jerk of a boyfriend."

"What d'you mean?" She pauses, her expression confused for a couple of seconds, before changing to concern as she walks towards me until she's standing blocking my path. "Oh God, what did he do to you? You're okay aren't you?""

"He didn't do nothing, not really, just said some shit is all. Seemed like it would be easier this way. Where is he, anyway? Why are you out here on your own?"

"He's still inside, he's got caught up talking to some guys he knows, thought I'd wait out here."

"Yeah, so who are they?"

"I don't know, friends of his brother or something."

This takes me a little by surprise, the first real mention of Wayne since I've got back and I start to wonder exactly what Myers is into, and why he's meeting them here. Stop myself from asking her though, don't need this made into a big deal with her.

"So you reckon you'll be waiting very long?"

"No, not really." She smiles, before returning to serious again. "They were nearly finished though, so he'll be out soon, just I needed some air, it's too busy in there."

"Well then, I better get going, you don't need him seeing us together and making something out of nothing again do you?"

She shrugs a little. "I guess not."

Don't know if it's my wishful thinking, but it doesn't feel like she means it, seems instead like she sounds a little disappointed. Whatever, it's all the encouragement I need to forget acting sensible about this. Take a step closer to her and reach out, brush her hair back from her face a little, leave my hand lingering against her cheek. "Although I suppose we could risk it, give everyone something to really talk about. Might as well, if we're going to get trouble for being seen together anyway."

"Yeah?" Leigh asks, her voice quiet, but a smile on her lips, "and how might we do something like that?"

Don't say another word, instead I find myself kissing her, leaning my body against hers while I wonder if she realises quite how bad I want her right now. Relax a little as I feel her arms slide around me, her hands in my hair as she kisses me back. Feels like we're a million miles away, like the rest the world don't exist. Got one hand on the small of her back holding her close to me, the other hand still tangled in her hair, as I smile at her, hear the words slip out before I can stop myself. "Damn, but I've missed you, girl."

"Yeah, I missed you too," she answers, and returns my smile before she kisses me again.

"So how about we get out of here?" I ask, still keeping her close to me, "could come home with me, then we'd have a chance to get properly reacquainted?" Laugh a little as she blushes wildly, and for a few seconds I actually believe she's going to say yes. But then some bunch of school kids spills out the door of the diner, their loud chatter causing her to look round as she automatically takes a step away from me, brings us crashing back to reality.

"God, Tim, what are we doing here?" Her voice is anxious as she frowns, fiddles with the hem of her blouse while she watches the people crossing the parking lot.

"Making up for lost time?" I offer as I close the distance between us again and rest my hands on her arms. "So what do you say, Leigh? Are you gonna come with me?"

She sighs and shakes her head, takes another step away from me. "I can't. Not right now."

"Why not?" I demand, reaching out to her, grasping at her hand. "Don't tell me you don't want to be with me, not after what just happened between us."

"It doesn't matter what I want to do, it's not that easy."

"Yeah, it is. Forget about Myers, come get in the car and we'll get out of here."

"Do you really think if I disappear somewhere without a word, that he won't come looking for me? That he wouldn't do something to you?"

"Who cares? Everything'll be fine, I'll look after you, I promise."

"I wish I could, honestly, but it isn't that simple." She quickly kisses me, her lips barely grazing mine before she pushes me gently away. "I'm not gonna go sneaking around behind his back or be some two-timing cheat. And you can't afford no more trouble, you don't need to be getting into it with Pete and risk screwing up your parole. So if you really mean it then how about you give me some time, let me sort things with him first? Then I'll speak to you later, I promise."

"When?" I demand.

"I don't know exactly, as soon I can."

"Tonight?"

"Yeah, okay, tonight - if I can." She's nodding at me, but her eyes are fixed on the diner as a few more people come out, Curly amongst them this time. "Now please, take your brother and go, Tim. Before Pete sees us together. Please?"

xxxxxx

 _Saturday night._

It's ten o'clock and Leigh still hasn't been in touch. It's more than six fucking hours after our encounter in the parking lot of Jay's and I've not heard a word from her. Guess I'm even more of an idiot than I thought.

She's not going to dump him, come back to me. Why would she? I mean she always was too damn good for me before, let alone now I'm an ex-con. An ex-con responsible for someone dying.

But then Leigh doesn't know the ins and outs of any of that – and she's never been one for playing games. So what if she did mean it?

What if she isn't alright?

And that comment of Sylvia's from a while back springs back into my mind, that throwaway line she dismissed as soon as she said it that I haven't ever quite been able to forget. Maybe I'll give it one last chance, just so I know for sure.

xxxxxx

Head up the steps at the back of her building and knock on the door.

No reply. No lights on. No noise.

Knock again.

Peer in through the window, only it doesn't seem like she's in there.

Knock a third time.

Finally a door opens, but not hers, the one two doors along. Some guy leans out, a beer bottle in his hand, and glares at me. "Get the message, asshole, there ain't no one going to answer, so how about you keep the noise down out there?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm leaving."

Stride back to the car and as I drive off, all I can picture is her somewhere with Myers, laughing at what a fool I am. That it's all in my head and all her promises and reassurances earlier that she wanted me count for nothing. I never did have good judgement when it came to her, reckon she was just humouring me, letting me down easy. Hell, maybe I need to put this behind me once and for all. Do us both a favour. Try to convince myself that at the end of the day it's better not to care too much. I mean it didn't get me nowhere before, did it? Not out here and not in McAlester. Didn't make things better for Walt or Bobby. Hasn't ever done me one bit of good at home.

Find myself turning into the parking lot of Buck's. Need to find something, somebody, some way to take my mind off of all this shit.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** Thank you everyone for reading, following, reviewing :)

* * *

 **CHAPTER EIGHT**

 _Thursday evening._

I'm barely in through the front door when the phone starts up ringing. For a half second I consider walking on by and ignoring it, but I'm right here next to it and I really don't need to give Ma yet another reason for getting upset and bitching at me. Don't want to deal with her on top of everything else that's gone wrong lately.

"Angela? Yeah, she's here." Some girl after my sister, who I can hear heading this way, and I'm about to drop the receiver down on the table when I catch sight of it. Some message with my name above it, scrawled in Angela's handwriting. Five words across the back of an envelope that's sticking out the pile of junk resting on the hall table.

Snatching it up, I slam the phone back down.

"Damn it, Tim, what the hell did you do that for?"

"This? When did you write this?" Hold the scribbled note up in front of her face.

She shrugs, grabs the paper from my hand and turns it over as she examines it more closely.

"Oh, yeah. I forgot about that." She grins. "Still, you've found it now."

"When did you take the message?"

Angela shrugs at me. "Does it matter? Ain't like she said for you to phone her back or nothing, so it wasn't anything important."

"When did she call?" I'm speaking real slow, trying real hard not to lose it, and I guess it must finally sink in how pissed I am.

"Um, I'm not sure, I think it was Sunday. In the morning, early, you were still sleeping."

"Then you should have woken me up." I snap.

"Yeah, right." She rolls her eyes at me. "I don't know, might have been later after you'd gone out with Curly, I can't remember. Don't see why you're getting so uptight anyway, you've found it now."

"Yeah. Four fucking days late." Turn and stride up the hall and out the front door, leave that rattling in its hinges as I head back towards the car.

xxxxxx

I manage to make it here in under ten minutes. Reckon it's a miracle I didn't get pulled over, 'cause I can't remember anything about the drive; could have run every red light in the town for all the attention I was paying to the road. Although now I am here, I find myself spending just as long sitting in the car, unsure if this is such a hot idea after all.

Realise I'm being ridiculous, that wasting time out here ain't gonna achieve anything.

Tap on the door and wait. I hope she's home today, really really hope that she's on her own. Hear the key turn in the lock before she pulls the door open, stares out at me like I'm the last person she was expecting to see here.

"Hi, Leigh." I take a step forward, go to rest my hand on her shoulder, think about kissing her. But I don't exactly get the reaction I'm hoping for. Instead she moves away, takes a step back and avoids my touch, folds her arms. So I'm not exactly sure what I should do next, not now we're finally face to face again.

"Tim."

There's noise along the hall and that guy from the other night peers out and glares at me, before slamming his door shut again. "Can I come in? I only want to talk to you, it won't take a minute." Don't want to be standing here, being cheap entertainment for the neighbourhood.

"Suppose so." And she turns away, leaves the door open for me to follow her. The room is dark compared to the evening sunshine and I'm finding it hard to adjust. But I can just about see well enough to see she's retreated over to the far side of the room into the tiny kitchen space. Christ but this place is grim; makes our house seem fucking luxurious in comparison.

She's moving a half dozen cans and packets around on the counter top, taking them out the grocery bag and lining them up, like she's trying to keep busy so she don't have to look at me. Meanwhile, I'm standing there, watching, unsure what to say. It's real hot in here, stuffy, airless, and I feel the sweat starting to form, my shirt clinging to my back, although I don't suppose all this tension is helping either.

"So, d'you want a drink or something?" she asks, opening the fridge, offers me a choice of beer or soda, and I'm about to take the beer when I find myself wondering if she had originally bought them for Myers. Get a sudden image of the two of them standing here in this same spot, and I'm snapping angrily at her in reply, even though I don't want to and I don't mean it. That it's not really her I'm mad at.

"No, not for me."

She looks round, frowns at me. "So why are you here, Tim? You got something you want to say or have you just come to give me a hard time?"

I lean back against the counter while I try to think of what to say. Now I'm here I still don't have the first clue where to start with this.

"So what was all that about at Jay's?" she asks, "Was it all some bad joke? Did you think it'd be funny to come back here, tell me a load of shit and screw up my life all over again when all you were really wanting was some easy lay? So when that didn't happen you forgot all about me until the next time you had no one better to fill your time with?"

"No one better?" Practically spit the words at her, almost feel like laughing as I think about the last four days. Days that I've spent working all the overtime that's been on offer, followed by evenings I've tried to fill by running around taking charge of Curly's half-assed jobs - all in an attempt to not think about her, failing miserably on that front every time. Wonder quite why I can't just tell her all of this, how I really feel. Why it seems that I've got to make it so damn difficult and take my frustrations out on her. "When you didn't call me Saturday I came up here, but you weren't even home. So it sure seemed like you didn't give a damn about me from where I was standing. Only somehow I still can't get you out of my head, so don't stand there and tell me I'm the one who's treating this like it's all some damn joke."

"But I did call, the next day." Her voice is quiet. "Only when I didn't hear anything from you I thought you must have changed your mind, that you didn't mean what you said the other day." She tries to smile, only her eyes are shining with tears, and quick as it started, my anger evaporates.

"Damn it, don't cry." Close the space between us, wipe the tears from her cheeks and wrap her in my arms, her head against my chest. "Reckon we maybe need to talk a little, Leigh, clear the air between us instead of both of us guessing at shit and assuming the worst all the time. So what do you say?"

She nods. "Yeah, okay. You want to sit down?"

"Sure."

Follow her across to the beat up old couch I recognise from her old place and sit down. She sits at the opposite end, pressed back into the corner; her eyes are focused on the floor, not me, so I turn a little and study her a little more closely. For the first time I notice the dark circles under her eyes, the way she's resting her hand on her arm.

"So where d'you want me to start then, Tim?"

"I don't know. How about telling me how on earth you came to end up with a jerk like Myers in the first place?"

"Well, you know I knew them all from before, I mean he was always around the boxing club." She shrugs, folds her arms. "Then you were gone, and Dad was sick again. Sylvia was busy with getting married and the baby and all. And Pete was always so damn nice to me. He helped me out with sorting things when dad closed the business. Dad had to sell that first, when he couldn't work anymore and he needed to pay off some of his debts and hospital bills."

"Is that why you ended up in this place?" And I guess my dislike of it must be obvious, her reply is instantly defensive.

"Yeah. I'm well aware it's a dump, Tim, but it's not like there's much else I could afford anyway."

"So what happened to Frank's house? Why couldn't you stay there?"

"After he died the rest had to go too, to cover all the outstanding expense. Turned out that he owed a hell of a lot more money to people than I ever knew about. By the time it was all settled I walked away with a few crappy bits of furniture and a couple hundred bucks, and that don't exactly go far when you got no job." She shifts awkwardly, fiddles with a button on her dress. "Anyway, after that I'd run into him now and then, and we just kind of ended up together. I mean you'd already told me to forget about you, and it wasn't like I had anybody else. I guess it was nice having someone who seemed like they wanted to spend time with me. Sure beat being on my own all the time, anyway."

"Jesus, Leigh, why in hell..." I'm lost for what to say, can't think about it, focus on the here and now. "But you've finished with him now?"

She sighs. "Kind of."

"Kind of?" Get that tight feeling in my chest at her words. "What's that suposed to mean?"

"Well, I spent all of Saturday night wishing I'd done what you suggested and walked away with you, that maybe it was a mistake me and Pete still being together. I didn't want to say anything to him until we were alone though, figured I probably owed him that much. Guess maybe talking about it after he'd spent the night drinking wasn't the best idea I ever had, only I couldn't leave it, not when he was expecting that I'd be going home with him and all."

"So you did break up then?"

"Yeah. Only yesterday, he came back around the diner, apologising and telling me he was sorry. Saying how he never meant for none of it to happen and begging me to give him another chance."

"And you told him what?"

She shrugs, rubs her forehead. "Told him I'd think about it."

"Why in hell d'you say that?"

"Why the hell do you think?" she replies, getting to her feet again and pacing around a little, finally stopping by the window. "I hadn't heard anything from you; I thought you had changed your mind about me. And telling him I'd think about it seemed the easiest way to avoid another fight; I just wanted him to leave without there being any trouble."

Get that sick feeling again as I wonder exactly what she's not telling me. "What sort of trouble were you hoping to avoid?"

She stares at the floor and doesn't look up as I cross to stand alongside her, doesn't answer my question.

"Leigh, just tell me. Please."

"Nothing really happened. He was mad the other day, is all, was my own fault. I didn't handle it very well, should have waited, spoken to him when he was sober."

"Stop it." I try to relax as I realise my hands are clenched tight into fists. "Stop making excuses for him and tell me what the hell he did."

"No, it was nothing." She shakes her head.

"You really think I believe that?"

"It doesn't matter, it's done now and you getting dragged into it won't change that. Pete said he'd come see me at work tomorrow, but I'll tell him it's over, that we're done for good." She shifts closer, runs her fingertips through my hair before wrapping her arm gently around my neck, then smiles at me. "I know that look, Tim, the one where you think you need to take control and fix things for me, because you think you can make it better somehow. I didn't say anything about you. Told him there wasn't anyone else, that I just needed some space. So how about you promise you won't get involved or do anything stupid on my account?"

Can feel the warmth of her body against mine, and it's hell of a distracting, my mind wanders as I think about whether it's too soon to hope she'll let me stay, and how far she'll let me… push away that particular bit of wishful thinking for a couple of seconds and question her yet again. "But if he did something to hurt you then he deserves—"

She shakes her head then leans in and closes the small remaining distance between us, kisses me. "Just forget it, please? I don't want anything to go wrong, not again."

Smile at her, hold her tight in my arms, maybe my PO is right after all and I really do have a shot at that second chance, of turning things around. Least having her back gives me another reason to try, anyway.

"Hell, you don't need to worry about that, sweetheart, I ain't gonna let anybody or anything screw things up for us this time around."


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER NINE**

 _Friday morning._

As I start to come around, something feels off.

It's too dark for home. I can't place where the hell I am.

For a split second I think I'm back in there. Only it hits me that it's too quiet, too warm, to be the cell block either. Force myself to open my eyes properly, look around as I get used to the dim light creeping in around the edges of the window blind, go to move and remember I'm not alone. Leigh's here beside me, just starting to stir in her sleep, one arm resting across my chest.

Grin to myself as I remember how last night turned out. Reckon those particular memories might just be enough to to keep me in a damn good mood for the whole of the day, despite the prospect of work and yet another grilling from Barnes to look forward to later. I trace my fingers gently along her forearm until I reach the marks, my smile fading as I study them, able to pay closer attention to them since she ain't awake and watching me this time. Bruises she said were a one off from their argument last weekend, nothing more than him grabbing her a little too hard. But even in this light it's obvious that there's more to it, new layered over old, some crap that she won't talk about but I find I ain't prepared to forget so easily. Wonder quite how bad things must have felt for her that she ever thought putting up with shit like that was better than being on her own. And then she's moving, finally waking too.

"Hey, morning." She smiles, brushes her hair away from her face as she shifts a little closer to me. "You been awake for long?"

"Nah, just woken up."

And then she's kissing me and everything else is forgotten again, for now at least.

xxxxxx

 _Wednesday evening._

"Tim! Tim!" Ma's voice echoes through the wall, her voice shaky, tearful, frightened.

Wonder what the hell she wants me for when I've heard Curly stumble in through the front door and down the hall in her direction barely two minutes ago; why it's always me she turns to when she has a problem, why she don't just get him to fix whatever she needs sorting out this time.

"Tim, are you there?" She's sounding more desperate this time so I drag myself wearily off the couch. Up until now I'd been enjoying the relative peace of having the place near enough to myself, with everyone being out aside from Ma. Guess that was too good to last though. Take the few steps down the hall into the kitchen, muttering more to myself than to her as I do, "Yeah, yeah. I'm coming Ma, What's the problem now?"

Pull up short in the doorway as I take in the scene in front of me. Ma's on her feet, but frozen to the spot as she twists her hands about each other and stares across at Curly, who's slumped against the sink. Only he's so covered in blood that he's barely recognisable as he tries – and fails – to open a bottle of painkillers.

"Damn it, Curly. What the hell?"

Push him towards a chair, open the pill jar and hand him a couple along with the glass he's managed to half fill with water.

"Cheers, Tim." He forces the words out, almost managing to grin at me.

"Let's get you sorted out then." Turn back to Ma, who's sobbing now, her shoulders shaking as she mumbles incoherently to herself while I guide her out the room. "Ma, it's okay. He only needs cleaning up some and he'll be fine, most likely looks a whole lot worse than it really is. So why don't you take your pills and go lie down? I'll take care of him, he'll be alright."

"Promise?"

"Yeah, I promise, Ma, just don't cry no more."

xxxxxx

Finally, a good thirty minutes later, he's starting to seem a little more like my brother again and less of a damn mess. He's got one eye swollen shut from some heavy blows to his face. And I guess he must have put up some kind of fight from the condition of his hands - split and bruised knuckles, to go with some sore ribs and a superficial knife cut to his side. And he must be feeling as bad as he looks because he's barely spoken a word since I sat him down. Only enough is enough. I need to know what in hell's been going on.

"Care to tell me what happened to you?"

He shrugs, don't look me in the eye. "I'm fine, surprised you're here, figured you'd be off with your girl again tonight." He grins, laughs to himself. "Or have you blown that already?"

Resist the urge to slap him a little myself for that comment. "Reckon you're damn lucky I was here tonight to clean you up, ain't like Ma would have been much help to you." Truth be told, I would much rather be with Leigh right now as well. Except she had plans to go see Sylvia and the kid after work, and, I'm not so pathetic that I can't go one night without her, need to show that I trust her – not turn out to be as bad as that asshole Myers was.

"I'd have been fine," he says, his tone stubborn.

"Yeah right. The least you can do is let me know quite how you ended up in this much of a fucking state. I mean what happened? Did one of your jobs go wrong or something?"

"I guess." He seems shifty, uncomfortable, like he isn't sure what to say again.

"Damn it Curly, did it or didn't it?"

"Well, I was planning on doing that thing I told you about last week."

"And I thought we agreed you would wait a little, until I could go over it again with you?"

"Yeah, well, you've been kind of preoccupied and I got bored of waiting on you. Don't matter anyway, 'cause it turns out that I never even got started on it."

"Why?"

"I was on my way there, only I got jumped, walking down behind the drugstore, through the service alley."

"And?"

He glances down again, sheepish as he finally admits what's been going on. "And I ran into some bother with Mandy Williams' big brother. Apparently he didn't like the fact I took her out Saturday night – or the fact we were planning on seeing each other again tomorrow night."

Can't help but laugh at him. "Jesus, kid. You don't half pick 'em."

And now it's his turn to snort at me. "Like you're any better. Reckon half the trouble you've ever got yourself into has been something to do with some broad or another. Speaking of which, I'm surprised you ain't had no come back from Myers yet."

"Why in hell would I have?"

"Well I doubt he'd like losing out to you over anything, what with all that history you've had with the Kings."

And Curly's words echo my own thoughts on the whole situation, despite Leigh's naïve belief that she won't hear no more from him, that he'll leave her alone, all because he hadn't caused a scene when they'd spoken in the diner last Friday – although I reckon that had a whole lot more to do with Joe not standing for any trouble in his restaurant than Myers' suddenly developing an easy going good nature. Not sure if it'll be the same once it's public knowledge she's seeing someone else though, especially if he hears that someone just happens to be me.

Still, keep trying to convince myself that it won't come to that, that I'm worrying over nothing. "Jesus, I keep telling you that was all about Wayne, not his brother."

"Yeah – and now he's back in town I should imagine Pete'll be keen to impress him again, prove he ain't no pushover." Curly examines his knuckles, then presses his fingertips tentatively to his face as he examines the extent of the bruising, wincing a little before grinning again. "Hell, maybe Mandy will like me even more now, think I'm tough or something after putting up a fight for her."

Only I barely hear those words, my focus still on his earlier words. "Wait, back up a minute. Are you telling me Wayne Myers is in town? Thought he'd gone for good?"

Curly shrugs, yawns some, like the pain pills are finally kicking in. "Yeah. So Ryan said. He reckoned he'd seen them all over at the Rodeo on Saturday night, told me Sunday."

"You're sure?"

"Lang thought so. He seemed pretty convinced it was them and it ain't like he was driving by or nothing, so it ain't likely he's mistaken him for someone else. Apparently he was sat there all night with a whole crowd of people watching and drinking."

"And you didn't think I might want to know that?"

Curly shrugs. "Have barely seen you all week. Why don't you go ask Lang about it, if you're that interested?"

And as thoughts of all that had happened to get me locked up in the first place – let alone all that went down _while_ I was in there – fill my mind, I try to ignore all those many ways I'd ever pictured of getting revenge on the River Kings boss. Try to tell myself he ain't worth getting wound up about.

Still find myself getting to my feet though, 'cause one way or another, I need to know if this is true or not, for my own peace of mind if nothing else.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Thanks for reading, I'd really love to know what you think of the story so far :)

* * *

 **CHAPTER TEN**

 _Tuesday afternoon._

"So you had a good day?" I ask as Leigh hurries across the street to join me.

"Yeah, thanks for waiting for me." She waves a final goodbye to the girl she'd been walking with before she smiles at me, kisses me as I open the car door for her.

As we drive across town she continues to tell me all about her day and the people she's been working with. She's picked up another casual office job at some firm just down the block from where I'm working and I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it - not knowing the way the guys at our place talk about the boss's secretary if she happens to walk through the workshop. But I guess Leigh hasn't had no problems so far 'cause she's sounding way happier than anybody ought to when they're talking about work.

She continues to speak, but I stopped paying attention a couple of minutes back. I can't stop my mind from wandering, as I try to piece together all the meagre scraps of information I've gathered the last few days. Spent way too long Wednesday night driving aimlessly around, past all the King's old haunts, Myers' family place, even called in those bars where I've seen Pete hanging around, only everything kept coming up blank.

The next night I'd tracked down Lang, hearing Ryan's account of seeing Myers first hand instead of relying on Curly's retelling. Although that turned out to be pretty much a waste of time and money. By the time I'd hung around buying beers and getting him to talk, without making it too obvious what I wanted to know, all I ended up with was a near identical account of what my brother had already told me. Suppose I should have given Curly a little more credit, could have saved myself a whole lot of time and effort if I had.

About the only useful thing I did manage over the weekend was to have a long conversation with Miller over what rumours he'd heard. But then he always did have a talent for knowing exactly what was going on all over town. Guess some things never change, even if he don't put that knowledge to such good use these days. Find myself replaying his words once again, considering exactly what they might mean for me.

 _"… from what I hear he's got bigger issues than you to worry about. Must have, if he's back around here and talking to Pete again."_

 _"What's that supposed to mean?"_

 _"Rumour was that he got in deep with some real serious crowd from out of town. Pair of them fell out over it. I think Wayne wanted Pete to go with him, but he refused. I guess he had his own reasons for wanting to stay in town."_

 _"Yeah?"_

 _"Well, that's what I put together from all the talk I heard at the time, fits with the stories I've heard lately too. But then if you really want to know the truth of what went on between him and his brother then I'm pretty sure I ain't the person you need to be speaking to. Reckon Leigh has to know something about that, can't believe they've never spoken about his brother, so she could probably fill some of them gaps about the state of things between them rather than me speculating over it all…"_

"… which is great, isn't it? Tim?"

Shake myself as I realise she's asking me something. Don't know that I'm keen to take Nick's suggestion of talking to her about it 'cause there ain't no easy way I can think of to bring it up. Not without telling her more than I want her to know about shit from my past.

"Sorry?"

"It doesn't matter, wasn't all that important. Are you okay?" From the corner of my eye I can see she's looking a little concerned as she turns to study me.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Are you sure? Work was okay, have you had a bad day or something? Just you seem awful distracted tonight."

"Yeah. It was fine. Just thinking about all I got to do now once I get home."

"Oh." She stares out the passenger window for a couple of seconds. "Thought maybe you'd want to come back to mine, being as you waited for me and all. I could have got the bus, if you had other places you would rather be."

"Don't be dumb, Leigh. Ain't no sense in you doing that when we're working practically across the street from each other. And it ain't that I'd rather be going home, you know that."

"Then what's wrong?"

Force myself to smile at her, snap out of this mood before I say something stupid and really upset her. "Nothing. Just I need to collect Ma's pills from the drugstore, then I probably ought to go and see if she's okay. Her and Harry had another big fight last night, were still bitching at each other this morning. Guess its been on my mind."

"Sorry."

"It's alright." Feel a little guilty, that I'm not exactly being honest about the source of my preoccupation. Maybe I should just talk to her about it, find myself on the point of asking her what she knows again. "Say, Leigh?"

"Yeah?"

She's smiling at me again and I change my mind again, I can't do it. Because telling her about Myers opens up the possibility of having to share all kinds of stuff about me. And I'm pretty sure she won't see me the same way if she knows the truth of what I'm capable of, what I've actually done.

"Nothing."

Her expression is puzzled. "Are you really sure you're okay, Tim?"

Sorry, I'm fine, honestly. Maybe I'm just a little tired." Smile at her and wonder if that sounds as fake to her as it does to me. "Look, if I do all I got to at home, it'll take me an hour, maybe two. So I could come over later, if you want still want me to?"

xxxxxx

Seems to take forever to get to the front of the line in the drugstore. So by the time I finally step out onto the street, I figure Leigh must be long gone. We're only a couple of minutes from her place, but she said she needed to call in the store opposite anyway and then walk the rest. So I'm a little surprised to see her still here, a way down the street outside of the bank. Suppose she's run into someone she knows because her attention is elsewhere, but it's definitely her, looking real good in her office clothes, that red dress I really like her in and I wonder if she's waiting for me after all. Smile to myself as I think about maybe getting her out of it later, figure that that's a thought too good to pass up and that maybe I should just head straight back with her after all.

But then the lights change, people start crossing the street and the crowd shifts, and I realise who she's talking with.

Although I guess 'talking with' isn't exactly an accurate description. He's standing real close to her, in her face and almost yelling at her. Her grocery bag has dropped to the floor, the contents starting to spill while he grips her wrist tight as she tries to push him away with her other hand.

Snap myself out of just watching from a distance and pick up the pace. Reckon I'm finally going to get that opportunity to put Pete Myers in his place without having to go look for him.

Only as I cut a path through the people on the street, trying to close the gap and wishing she wasn't so damn far away, another all too familiar figure steps out the side alley and rests a hand on Pete's shoulder.

I'm about three feet away now and hearing him speak sends a chill through me. "Jesus, Pete, calm down. You trying to get arrested, doing this in the middle of town?"

"But—"

"Enough. You got more sense than that, haven't you? Now why don't you just let her go?"

Watch as Pete drops his hand away, steps back and glares across at his brother like a sulking child, while Leigh actually thanks him for intervening as she goes to reach for her things, still oblivious to the fact I'm here.

Realise I've stopped moving and that I'm staring at them. That I ain't exactly sure what the hell to do next.

"Well, appears you've got company, Leigh, so me and Pete'll leave you to it." He grins at me over her shoulder. "Evening, Shepard. Didn't know you were back in town."

At his comment, she glances back at me, relief filling her expression as she steps closer and stands beside me, before looking uncertainly between the three of us.

And really, I know I should be asking her if she's alright and what the hell has just happened, taking her away from this.

But right at this moment that's the last thing on my mind.

Instead, I've can feel that overwhelming need for revenge building again. Same as that day in the mess hall at McAlester. Because now I've finally come face to face with him all I can think of is how much I want to hurt him - even though I know all that business in there was pointless, that it didn't actually achieve anything at all aside from bringing down more trouble on everyone around me.

That the only thing that matters now is finding a way to make Wayne Myers pay for all he's done, for everything he put me through.


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

The four of us are standing here in silence, like no one wants to be the first to move – until Wayne finally speaks again.

"So what happened? Are they going soft up in McAlester, Shepard? 'Cause I'm pretty sure you got a longer sentence than that, should still be inside."

Shove Ma's pills into my pocket, feel myself stand a little straighter as I take in the space around us, the distance between Myers and me, how far away his brother is, just in case he's planning something. Hope Leigh has the good sense to keep out of this. "And I heard a rumour you'd quit town for good. Damn shame that didn't turn out to be true."

"Come on, Tim. Let's get out of here." Leigh takes my hand as she speaks, squeezes it gently in an attempt to get my attention. "Please?"

While there's nothing I'd like more to take out Wayne, his brother too given the opportunity, her question makes me pause for a second and reconsider what I'm doing here. I guess I'm still just about rational enough to know that me starting a fight out here in the middle of the street ain't exactly the best idea - not when we're surrounded by people coming home from work, school kids and families, so many potential witnesses.

"Yeah, okay." Take a step backwards, ignoring Wayne's amused expression and Pete's scowls as we begin to walk away. Only it seems Pete isn't quite done with her, calls out to her as we go to walk past him.

"It didn't take you long, did it, Leigh? Should have known better than believe all your bullshit about there being no one else. So was it only him you're seeing, or were there always other guys behind my back?"

She stops again, turns to face him, indignant at his accusation. "No! I never did that."

"Yeah? Give me one good reason I should believe you?"

"Jesus, Pete, I'm sorry, alright? I didn't set out for this to happen. Never expected things would end up this way, honest."

"Hell, you don't need to apologise to this asshole." Rest a hand on her tense shoulder, glare over at Pete. Try not to remember that first weekend together and the effort it took to not go searching for him after seeing the marks on her arms, push away that image of him holding her barely five minutes ago. Try not to think about how much I'd like to show him exactly what I think of him. "Come on, let's go."

She nods, while Pete laughs, continues on with his jibes at her. "Course, you do know that Shepard don't actually give a damn about you, don't you, Leigh? That he's just using you."

Her face goes pale. "What d'you mean?"

"It means nothing, he's just being a dick," I mutter, "ignore him."

Myers grins, cocky and arrogant as he continues, "So you never told her?"

"Told me what?" She looks between us, before settling on me. "Tim? What in hell is he talking about?"

"Nothing, he's just winding you up is all." Not entirely sure how I'm managing not to lose it, 'cause right now I'm not sure which Myers I detest the most. Pretty sure I know where Pete's going with this and I don't want her to find out – not here, like this. Not from him. I want to punch him so badly, knock that smug fucking smile off of his face once and for all. Take a deep breath and try yet again to convince myself hitting him really wouldn't achieve anything, wouldn't be worth it. "Now come on, Leigh, just ignore him."

She sighs. "Yeah, okay."

Only it seems there ain't no chance Pete is going to let it lie now he's started on this. "You mean he's never told you the truth of how he came to wind up in McAlester, what went down that night?"

She glances at me as I curse under my breath. "What in hell is he talking about? What does he mean?"

"Not now, alright?" I snap back at her, realising too late how harsh I sound, instantly regret taking it out on her as she falls quiet.

"Shepard'll drop you soon enough, now he's proved his point."

Before I can stop her she's striding back over to him, looking him square in the eye. "Damn it, Pete. If you've got something you want to say to me, just stop playing games and spit it out."

Pete shrugs, grins over at Wayne who's been stood there watching, his arms folded as he leans against the wall of the store, that look of mild amusement still on his face. So much for getting out of here without any trouble, minimising the damage.

Even if I avoid a fight there ain't no way in hell this is going to end well.

Not now.

"It was Wayne who set him up, got him sent down for that shooting."

"What the hell?" Her eyes are wide, shock written all across her face as she looks over to Wayne, who nods at her ever so slightly, before she directs her next question back at Pete. "And you knew?"

"Yeah."

"Were you involved?"

He grins. "Watched the whole thing go down."

"Why would you do that?" She's lost for words for a second or two, glances at Pete, his brother, me. "You, you complete—" She don't bother to finish, just raises her hand and slaps him hard across the face, leaves him reeling for a split second before he takes a hold of her shoulder, his other hand cupping her chin forcing her to look at him as the bag she was holding tumbles once more to the ground, splitting completely this time.

"Stupid idea," he growls.

I'm reaching out and about to pull him off of her, when out the blue Wayne speaks up, causes us all to look around. "Let her go, Pete, keep telling you there ain't no point getting yourself in shit over some broad."

"But—"

"I said leave it. This – these two – _they_ ain't important. You need to remember that. There's too many people around for this to be going down right now, don't need to draw any more attention to yourself than you already have." Wayne glances left and right along the busy street. Barely six feet away the sidewalk is bustling with people hurrying in and out of the convenience store as they run their last errands before heading home, most of them oblivious to the scene that's been unfolding between us.

"Yeah, yeah. Alright." Pete makes a big show of letting her go, then leans in and whispers some last words to her that I don't catch, before knocking into me a little as he saunters past me to his brother's side. "Be seeing you soon, Shepard."

Don't take my eyes of the pair of them until they're out of sight, my mind working overtime as I ponder why Wayne's so keen to keep a low profile. Until at last they are gone and I turn back to Leigh. "Come on, I'll take you home."

xxxxxx

Takes us two minutes to get back to her place. Two minutes where neither one of us says a word until I stop the car out the front of the building, lean over and kiss her on the cheek.

"Do you really have to go?"

"Yeah. I need to take this crap home for Ma, but then I'll head straight back over, see you later?"

She nods, pushes open the car door then pauses, her hand still resting on the door handle as she blurts out her question. "So is it true?" Her voice is barely more than a whisper, her eyes shining, on the verge of tears as she stares over at me. "Is that the real reason why you wanted to be with me? Just for some kind of revenge on Pete and his brother for some dumb gang fight?"

I should be reassuring her, wrapping her in my arms and telling her how damn much she means to me. But I'm still so fucking wound up from running into the pair of them that my words don't come out right. I can't seem to say what I mean and it's almost as though someone else is answering her, not me.

"Christ, Leigh. Do you really want to do this here, now? Can it not wait until later?"

"Just need to hear you tell me the truth, Tim. No more secrets."

"What? So you believe that loser over me?"

"That's not what I said."

"Then what exactly are you saying?" I demand.

"I don't know." She shrugs. "Maybe I need you to tell me that he's wrong. That I am something more to you than just a girl to screw around with or some pawn in your stupid squabbles."

"Do you really fucking need to ask me that? Surely you know that already without me spelling it out to you?"

She frowns down at her hands, stares across out the window. Eventually wipes at her eyes with the back of her hand before looking back to me. "No… I… but why didn't you ever tell me what happened? Not when I went up there to visit you, not even since you've been home? It's not like you haven't had the opportunity."

"What difference would it have made? It wouldn't have changed anything."

Leigh shakes her head. "Yeah, it would. I mean I always believed you hadn't done what they said. Just you never let me in, Tim. You always seem to think you have to go it alone, handle everything yourself." She pushes the door the rest of the way open, slides out the car. "And I don't know that I can deal with that any more."

"What are you saying? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know. Maybe you just need to take some time. Figure out what it is you actually want." She shrugs again. "'Cause right now it feels like we're both looking for something different and that ain't fair on either of us."

"It ain't like I've suddenly fucking changed, you always knew how I was, Leigh." And I know it ain't what I want, that I've let all that's just happened get under my skin and that she's as on edge as me. That this is exactly the chain of events Pete had hoped to achieve. But knowing all that still don't stop me saying it. "So how about I make it easy for you then, give you what you want and we forget this whole damn thing?"


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

 _June 1967._

 _Saturday evening._

"So how come?" Curly shoves my feet off the table as he squeezes through the gap instead of walking round, then slumps down on the couch next to me.

"What?" Although I don't know why I even waste my time asking, 'cause it's obvious what's he's getting at. Take another slug of beer and close my eyes again. Maybe sitting here wasn't the smartest idea after all - not if I want to be left alone.

"You working the weekend overtime for a start."

"Maybe I need the money."

"Yeah, right. That don't explain why you're sat here, still wearing the same shit you wore to work this morning, at way past seven on a Saturday night though, does it?"

Shrug at him. I really can't be bothered to reply.

"What's happened? You fallen out with Leigh already?"

"What makes you think there has to be a problem? Ain't like I've got to spend every minute of every fucking day with her." Go to take another sip and realise the bottle is empty. Can't summon the energy to get myself another, not when going in the kitchen means negotiating Ma again. Let it slip out my hand onto the floor and settle for a smoke instead. "Maybe I just want a quiet night at home for once."

"Yeah, sure. You love spending your time in this dump as much as I do." Curly laughs, gestures for me to pass him my cigarettes. "You got to admit that you screwing it up is the most likely outcome. So what did you do to make her dump you already?"

"What the hell do you care?" I snap, throwing the packet at him.

"Nah, from what I saw, I don't think she did," interrupts Angela, leaning against the door frame. "Reckon Tim must have broken up with her."

"Yeah? Why's that?" Curly asks.

Just what I don't need, the pair of them discussing me like I ain't sat right here in the middle of it. Only it seems Angela, at least, has her mind on something other than me.

"Have either of you got any spare cash?"

"Maybe, if you answer my question." Curly's on his feet, digging in his pockets for change.

"I will, when you give me the money. I'm meant to meet Jenny and Marie soon, go the movies."

"Meet Bryon, more like." Curly smirks as Angela crosses the room, stops in front of him with her hand outstretched.

"Why don't you shut up about him, Curly."

"And why don't you cut out all the drama and tell me what you know?"

Damn, but I've had enough of the pair of them. Can't take their bickering but can't be bothered to intervene. Drag myself to my feet and out into the hall. Pause outside the door just long enough to listen when Angela does finally get around to continuing.

"So I seen Leigh working over the diner this afternoon, she looked like she hadn't slept in days. Reckon she'd have been a whole lot happier than that if she'd been the one who'd dumped him, don't you?" She pauses for a second, her voice quieter. "You think he's alright, Curly?"

Christ, I don't need the two of them feeling sorry for me. Don't want their pity, not when it's all my fucking fault that everything's a damn mess. Force myself to move, make it into the bedroom, collapse on my bed. Shit. I'm a jerk.

But then _she_ was the one who'd walked away, who had told me to go.

I'll be better off without her anyways.

Although apparently that ain't fooling anybody, least of all me, 'cause I'd half expected she'd turn up after work again Wednesday, get a ride home with me like nothing had even happened. Had hung around longer than needed in the lot outside of work hoping I might at least see her. But it didn't happen. No sign of her. Not Thursday either. Guess I did do a better job than I thought of convincing her we were done for good.

Get a whole five minutes of mulling it over, replaying that last conversation in my head, wondering whether I should have gone back there, before Curly's here in the room and bugging me. Settles on the edge of his own bed and watches me as I lie here and stare at the ceiling, flicking my lighter on and off.

"Damn it, Curly, you going to sit there staring at me all night? Ain't _you_ got nowhere else to be either?"

"Just seems like a dumb thing to do, nice chick like her." He shrugs, leans over and grabs my lighter out of my hand. "Thought you actually liked her. But seeing as you're here, I was gonna go do that job tonight. You want in on it?"

"Yeah, okay."

He grins, looks as surprised as I feel that I've actually agreed to do this. "That's great. Least now I know it'll go good. You want me to tell you the details again?"

"No. I ain't one of them fucking dumbasses you been working with lately, I reckon I can remember a plan that simple. I would like you to shut the fuck up though, stop bleating on, you're worse than Ange."

He watches me for a couple of seconds, like he's figuring out the best response to that, and whether or not to question me any further. Decide to get another question in before he can start in on me again.

"So when are we going?"

"In about an hour?"

"Okay."

He don't try to talk to me anymore, just heads back out again and I don't even complain when he turns the television on so loud I can hear it in here, laughs along with some shit comedy show he loves. 'Cause at least if he's focused on that he's not sat here asking me no questions I don't want to answer.

Questions I don't even know how to answer.

xxxxxx

Curly's driving, I'm slumped in the passenger seat, with my hand over my eyes and my feet resting on the dash.

I should have stayed at home.

Wonder why I'm sitting in a car that's heading through town at close to midnight on a Saturday night, with a trunk full of stolen shit. I mean it went okay and all, was easy enough. Only now it's done and the buzz has faded I'm left questioning quite why I was prepared to risk everything for a few dozen bottles of whiskey and some crates of cigarettes.

Hear sirens going off in the distance and I'm getting antsy even though they don't sound too close, hope to God that Curly don't blow it, that he doesn't do nothing stupid that'll give us a reason to get pulled over, that we don't have a tail light out or something.

"Watch your speed."

See him shift to glance at me. "I am," he snaps. "This ain't the first time I've done this, remember."

"Yeah, yeah. So, you got a good deal for all of this?"

"Yeah, course."

"And you're getting shot of all of it? Soon?"

"Sure. Tomorrow. First thing in the morning." He grins at me. "Told you it was a decent plan." He slows the car as we near the junction and I can hear sirens getting closer. Can't take it no more, need to get out of here; need some air, some space.

"Let me out here."

"What?" he asks, taking the corner.

"I said pull over, Curly." And I'm half out the car before he's come to a stop, clawing at my jacket pocket to find my cigarettes.

Really need a smoke, need to focus on something other than everything that's going round and round in my head, all the shit I try not to think about, pretend never happened.

 _Blood soaking through that kid's shirt, police sirens, cops shouting, as they push me in the back of the wagon._

 _Walt joking around in the print room, the cell block, silent on the canteen floor._

 _Ma crying in the court room as the judge reads out my sentence._

 _That first day in McAlester, the feeling of being in some whole other fucking world_ _with all it's rules and noise and fighting, the fear._

Struggle to light the smoke, to take a drag. Realise my hands are still shaking as the tangled mess of memories continues to whirl, my mind hops backwards and forwards so damn fast it feels like I can barely keep up.

 _Can hear Ray yelling for me to leave well alone, stay out of crap that don't concern me._

 _That first day I really paid any mind to Leigh, way back when; me meeting Frank and knowing for sure I ain't good enough; every time she ever forgave me - even after all those times I screwed up, screwed her over, hurt her. Until this time._

 _Me fighting in the halls at school, brawling with Myers, taking yet another a beating from Harry; punching Evans, Winston, Curly, too many fights to remember them all but in the end it's always back to that one. 'Cause now it ain't my brother I'm thinking of, it's that other guy - that guy I never even knew, hadn't even spoken one word to. Didn't stop me doing that though..._

Shut my eyes, but that don't help.

It never helps.

Because it's all always there, never far from the surface.

 _Bobby telling me to shut the fuck up and go along with whatever he tells them._

 _The three of us sat on my bed all them years ago, Ange curled up against me, sniffing and sobbing into my shirt, and Curly the quietest he's ever been as he sits the other side of me. And all the while I try to convince all of us that everything's gonna be fine, that it don't matter 'cause I'm still here and I'll take care of them. When really we all know it ain't ever gonna be alright again -'cause the old man ain't ever coming home and Ma can barely string two words together no more._

 _Blood on my hands, on my shirt, pooling across the floor... every damn place I look..._

Try to make him take his hands off of me.

"Jesus, Tim. What the hell?" Realise it's only Curly, shaking me by the shoulder, frowning at me.

"What?" I yell, push him roughly away.

"What was all that about?"

Pull myself up a little straighter, inhale deeply on my cigarette before throwing it to the ground. "Nothing."

"Really?"

"Yeah." Cast my eyes around, notice where we are - a short way down the street from that bar Nick favours these days, figure it's a pretty good call he's likely to be in there on a Saturday. And if not, well, I can disappear into the crowd, try to find some way to take the edge off all this tension.

Forget, at least for a little while.

"Where you going in such a big hurry then?"

"Fancied a beer." Scowl back at my brother, make it obvious I don't want him here. "So why don't you get the hell out of here and get that gear somewhere safe before you wind up back in the reformatory?"

And before he can say anymore, I walk away, try to relax my shoulders, unclench my fists and jam my hands in my pockets.

Pretend that I don't know he's still standing there, watching me; that I'm well aware that he thinks I'm losing it.

That I can't risk admitting that he could be right, even to myself.

* * *

 **A/N:** Thank you for reading, I would really love some feedback on how you feel this chapter went :) Hopefully it all makes sense, but if you want to know any more then alot of what Tim has on his mind refers to events that take place in my other story, _Cars and Girls_.


	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

 _Sunday afternoon._

"Come in a minute, you're early." Miller yawns, runs a hand through his hair. Despite it being the middle of the afternoon he looks like he's barely been up an hour, standing there barefoot, looking a mess and clutching a half-drunk cup of coffee. Reluctantly, I follow him into the house and down the hall towards the kitchen.

"You gonna be long?"

"Jesus, Shepard, how come you're so damn full of it today?"

"Just want to get this done, find out what Robinson knows while we've got the opportunity. I've had all this shit hanging over me too long now and it's getting real old."

Truth be told I'm still amazed Miller even wants to be a part of this, that he hasn't changed his mind and thought better of it now the drink has worn off and he's had a few hours sleep. Hope he does stick with it though, is willing to see it through to the end. Have a feeling I'm likely to need an ally before all this is over.

As he gulps down his coffee I glance out the window and I won't deny I'm relieved to see that his sister is sat out there talking with her mother rather than around in the house, until I spot who else is with them. Just back a couple of feet, sat on a blanket in the shade of the tree is Leigh, her attention solely focused on Sylvia's baby as she hugs him to her. She seems so at ease, so fucking happy as he laughs and smiles back at her, stretches out his hand and pulls on her hair.

My stomach is in knots. Feel like I could stand here watching her forever.

Might well have been too, 'cause I lose all track of time and barely register Nick cursing as he searches about for his shoes before disappearing to his room when he apparently still can't find them; don't notice Sylv come in either until she's right behind me and speaking to me as she bustles about looking in the fridge and pouring drinks.

"You know, you could go out there and say hello instead of standing there watching her like some kind of creepy weirdo."

"I ain't staring at nobody," I snap, jamming my hands in my pockets as I turn to glare at her.

"Yeah, right. Suppose you're just admiring my mom's gardening skills?" She kicks the fridge door shut and turns to walk away, pausing as I ask her one last question.

"Hey, Sylvia, is she okay?"

"Why don't you go ask her yourself, if you want to know so bad?"

"Doubt she'd be all that happy about that."

Sylvia shrugs, rolls her eyes at me. "Ever thought you don't know what the hell you're talking about, Tim?"

"Yeah, right," I scoff. She has to be winding me up, doesn't she? Or maybe not, perhaps it is true and Leigh might actually give me the time of day.

Maybe. And it feels real tempting to follow Sylvia and take a chance on this. Find myself on the verge of doing it, risking it, when I glance back out across the garden and realise Leigh isn't out there any more, look towards the door at the exact same time as she steps into the room.

"Hey, Sylv, I think he's getting a bit— Oh." Her words trail away as she crashes to a halt and stares over at me.

Watch her smooth a hand over the top of the baby's head as he burrows his head fretfully against her shoulder and grizzles a little while the rest of us stand there in silence. The only noise in the room the buzz of the refrigerator and the kid crying, his sobbing getting gradually louder and louder until Sylvia finally does something to take control of the matter and she gathers him into her arms before promptly disappearing. So it's just the two of us, awkward and uncertain, the room silent again.

I'm still lost for words as I look her up and down. God. What to say, where to start? Open my mouth to speak only I got nothing, don't know what I should be doing or saying - telling her I miss her? Or making out like it doesn't matter, that seeing her isn't important?

Her expression is serious too, so much of a contrast from when I first arrived and she didn't know I was here, when she seemed so damn happy. Out of the blue I find I'm wondering if that could have been us - if things had worked out different, if I hadn't screwed up. Hell, maybe that's all she's really ever been hoping for, someone who can give her all of this. A home, a family, some kind of decent life.

Shake myself, 'cause that sure as hell ain't someone like me; never was, never will be.

"Sorry. I didn't realise," she mumbles, speaking a little too fast as she struggles to explain. "That you'd be here as well, I mean. I only came to see them for a while but I wouldn't have, not if I'd known."

As she speaks my mind is racing again, overtaken by all the damn memories that follow me round, drag me down; all the things I've done that can't be undone, that make me a _bad_ choice for her, the _wrong_ choice. And even though I don't mean it and everything I'm saying to her is petty and mean and untrue, I still find myself doing all I can to push her away, to try to make certain she shares that opinion.

"Yeah?" I sneer, "Why's that then, Leigh? Can't you even stand to be in the same room as me no more?"

"No! That's not fair, I never said that. You were the one who ended it," she exclaims, frowning and upset as she steps closer, reaches out as though to place a hand on my arm only I take a step back, brush her away.

"You know what? I don't care, you made it clear what you think of me and I don't want to listen to no more crap from you. I've got more important things to waste my time on than you."

"Tim, please, I only—"

But I don't wait to hear any more of what she has to say. Force myself to turn away and keep walking, to not look back. Pretend that I can't hear Sylvia calling me out for being an utter jerk when I pass her in the hall - same as I ignore Nick asking me what in hell the problem is as we cross the street to the car; just keep telling myself that it don't matter what I want because this is for the best. All of them should know by now I ain't a good bet, that I don't have nothing worthwhile to offer her.

xxxxxx

 _Sunday evening._

Light up another cigarette and take a sip of my whiskey. Glance up at the clock then across the table. Nick throws down his cards, a look of disgust on his face as he loses another few bucks on the hand I already took the strategic decision to bow out of a few minutes back. Meanwhile Robinson gathers the cash from the centre of the table, a smug grin in his face as he drags it across in front of him.

We've been here for hours, in this smoky back room in some not quite legal dive on Robinson's invitation, both me and Miller losing more money than strictly necessary on some crap hands of poker. Lost some through choice; the others, well, despite my best efforts and my resolution to not let anything distract me, I still can't help my mind from wandering, just a little, every now and then. But that ain't really a big deal, the money we've lost is nothing important. What matters is the information I'm aiming on getting.

Pick up the bottle that I'd acquired from Curly's stash so I can refill mine and Robinson's glasses before handing it across to Miller. Figure the payback ought to be worth the expense of the booze and the bets.

Turns out me stumbling off searching for Miller last night was actually a good decision.

Not long after I ran into him, the pair of us came across Dave Robinson, Lewis's old second in command out of Brumly. Seems he carried on some their operations even after Chris got drafted, kept their contacts all across the city, and there's plenty of faces I recognise about the place today. Although there's some I'm less happy to see than others, ain't exactly thrilled that Jones seems to still be part of his outfit still. Guy always was a loser, God knows I've got the scars to prove it still, but I know good enough when to keep my mouth shut, can put up with him being here if it means I get something useful out of this.

Because to say they weren't ever friends with Myers either is putting it mildly.

We've done the usual bullshit conversations about who's been where, done what, seen whoever, the bragging rights and bravado played out same as always, followed the rules, so to speak. Only now, finally, he's getting around to spilling the good stuff.

"So, I'm guessing you heard Wayne's turned up back in town?" he asks, on the surface sounding like it ain't nothing but he shifts in his chair, watches a little too closely for my reaction as he waits for my reply.

Raise an eyebrow, stare him down over the top my whiskey glass. Take another sip of my drink, force myself to take my time, not rush this, not sound too desperate to find out what he knows despite him finally holding my full attention for the first time since we got here.

"Apparently so." Ignore that uneasy feeling in the back of my mind that keeps telling me that by pursuing this I'm on my way to making yet another a stupid mistake and continue with my questions. "Rumour is he brought some friends with him too. Don't suppose you happen to know the lowdown on them too?"

He laughs a little. "Well, funny you should ask, Shepard, but I might just be able to help you out with that. Although more to the point, what exactly would that kind of information be worth to you?"


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N:** Well, after having some free time today this chapter has come together a whole lot quicker than I expected it to, so I figured I'd go ahead and update! Thanks everyone for reading etc :)

* * *

 **CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

 _Wednesday evening._

I wait until he pulls away before speaking to Robinson. "So how many more of these social calls are we going to make tonight?"

"Just the one. Guy's a dick, which is why I'm paying him a visit myself." He shakes his head as he slows for the corner. "He's been bullshitting Jones for weeks now, barely paying back anything. Reckon he might need an extra reminder on the benefits of keeping up to date on his payments to us."

"Well, say the word and I'm sure I can oblige." Because tonight I'm the incentive for all these losers to make good on what they owe, on account of me honouring the deal I made for that information on Myers. Turns out that sometime in the months after I got sent down and before he was drafted Lewis had graduated Brumly up a league, away from that kid's stuff like robbing stores and fencing car parts that we were all doing back in the day, and into the money lending business. Although I wonder what kind of a bad place you need to be in to ever think borrowing money off of these hoods is the answer.

... _don't ever owe anybody for anything if you can avoid it, son, especially not money..._

For the first time in a long while I'm thinking of the old man. About the one bit of useful advice he ever gave me, even if it didn't really mean shit when I was nine years old and desperate to impress him, to keep on his good side. Never forgot it though. That and his advice on how to handle myself in a fight.

Push all of that away as it seems we're stopping and Robinson's pointing to a rundown mid-terrace with grass up to your knees in the front yard, couple more minutes and I'm standing leaning against the door jamb while he speaks to some grubby looking scrawny little asshole.

"Hey, Dave, good to see you."

"Yeah right. Quit with the crap, Paul, you got my money or not?"

The guy shifts uncomfortably, looks back down the hall, back at the two of us. "Come on, man, you know I'm good for it, I'll have it all next week, I promise, you just need to give me another few days." He goes to shut the door, only I'm still leaning on it, and being as he's about half the size of me he must be fucking stupid if he thinks he can get rid of us that easily.

Robinson laughs. "Yeah? You said the same last week to Jones, which is why you've earned yourself a visit from me and my buddy here. You don't get to make the same excuse twice, you should know that by now." He pushes the guy in the chest, back inside and I follow them, shutting the door. Don't need some nosy neighbour coming in here interfering.

I'm not really listening as Robinson carries on talking at him, it's the fifth place we been this evening and I know what I'm expected to do, if he doesn't pay up. I'm not exactly keen on being Robinson's muscle or having to take orders from a jerk like him, but I got the information I needed and a deal's a deal. And after tonight, we'll be even.

For the first time today, it looks like we got someone who isn't going to magically find him any cash so I'm actually going to have to do something more than simply standing around looking tough. And as I stand beside Robinson waiting for him to give me the word, it strikes me how damn familiar this feels. Not from my own gang though, we were never into money lending or even collecting. Never had any cash of my own long enough to lend it to anyone and no one was dumb enough to use a bunch of kids to try to scare people, not even that tight bastard Merrill.

I catch this guy Paul with a couple of half decent punches, and he barely even puts up a fight, just stumbles to the floor and rolls around moaning and begging for Robinson to have me leave him be. God, this is boring, standing making sure he doesn't get up while Robinson looks around the place for anything worth taking. Find my mind back on the old man again. Still, I suppose that if I'm thinking about him I ain't dwelling on other things, other people, stuff that that's a whole lot harder to deal with than some random memories of him will ever be.

 _I'm sitting on the hood of his car out back of some apartment building and I'm feeling real happy 'cause he's actually brought me - just me - with him. And I don't want to mess it up or make him mad so I sit here, like he told me, and watch while he works over some guy for whoever it was he happened to be working for that month as his friend stands in the doorway, blocking the path for his screaming wife and crying kid, wonder what the guy's done to upset my dad so bad as the woman rifles through her bag and hands over all the cash, while dad just smiles and hits him one more time before strolling back to the car._

 _Only we don't come home yet, we stop off as some bar and I'm sat in the corner with a pepsi while he's laughing and joking, telling me that I need to understand how things really are, giving me another of his lectures on the way back home, something about girls, only I'm not really listening - I'm real tired and more bothered about whether he'll start up yelling at Ma, if she asks why he's kept me out so late when I'm supposed to go to school in the morning, and who the hell is interested in impressing girls anyway?_

There's a crash as Robinson kicks over an easy chair in the corner of the room. Up until now he's been taking his time, has been all through this messy sitting room although it doesn't come as much of a surprise to me that he's found nothing so far.

"Keep him here, I'll take a bit more of a look around," he growls before he moves on to the kitchen, and then further down the hall. Hear thuds and bangs from the other room as it sounds like he's pulling drawers out of a dresser, before he reappears, grinning, waving some bank notes at the guy who's struggling to get to his feet.

"Looks like you were lying to me, Paul."

Guy looks desperate as he tries to snatch it back from Robinson. "No! That's more than I owe, I need that-"

"And you not paying on time means you owe me a whole lot of interest. Should have thought about that, before you lied to me." He smirks, stuffs the whole lot in his back pocket before turning to me. "Perhaps our friend needs a bit more telling?"

Grin at him over the other guy's head. It doesn't take me more than two minutes to make a real mess of him, he barely puts up a fight, can't manage to land a decent punch on me anyways. Hell, maybe Ma's been right all this time after all, maybe I am more like my father than I'd care to admit.

xxxxxx

"You know, seems you got a talent for this kind of work, Shepard." Robinson grins at me, hands me a beer. "If you ever fancy getting into it long term, I'm always on the lookout for someone useful."

Shake my head. "Thanks, but I ain't interested. Got my own plans and I ain't exactly good at taking orders." Plus even though I don't mention it to Robinson, I've still got Barnes to deal with and a proper job to hold down, don't need to be fucking up and drawing attention to myself from him or the cops, not over shit I got no particular interest in anyway.

He shrugs. "Nah, didn't expect that you'd take me up on it. Keep it in mind though, it's an open offer. So what you planning to do with Myers?"

My turn to shrug this time, take a sip of my beer and try to look like I haven't spent most every waking minute thinking about that exact same subject, that tomorrow I'm meeting up with Miller to go over ideas, figure out a definite plan. "Not decided. Besides, you'd probably be best off not knowing."

"Okay." He laughs. "If that's the way you want to handle it. But if you need anything, I'm sure we can come to another arrangement." And then his attention is elsewhere, on the girls alongside him at the bar as he buys them a drink, turns to talk to them. Take advantage of his momentary distraction to get myself away, glad to finally get the hell out of there.

xxxxxx

 _Thursday night._

"So we go there, tomorrow night, Robinson's source reckons their deals always go down around nine."

"And this source is reliable?"

"So far as I know, ain't like we're going to find someone else to spill the details to us, so I guess we need to go with it, check it out for ourselves so we're absolutely sure what's happening. Why? D'you reckon Robinson's given us some dodgy information?"

"No, I guess he's being straight with us," Nick replies, although he doesn't exactly sound like he means it.

"Look, it'll be getting dark by then and if we park a couple streets away we should be able to get close enough to see how the deal takes place and who's involved, decide how we handle things from there. Sounds like it's a regular thing, so we figure out the details this week then come up with a final plan."

"You sure we won't get seen?" Nick asks, frowning a little more.

"Yeah."

"Really? You don't exactly sound convinced."

"Well, I guess there's always a chance we'll get noticed, but it ain't like we're planning to do any more than watch, and we haven't got Curly or anybody else with us to screw things up. Reckon the pair of us should be able to handle it, unless you're getting cold feet on me, Miller? No hard feelings if you are, only I need to know I can trust you and that you won't run out on me at the last minute."

He scowls. "Course not. I got no intention of backing out of this; owe the pair of them for putting me in the hospital that time. It's just that it's getting a whole lot more serious than the old days. It ain't like their shifting a few drugs or some knocked off booze no more, this is big league stuff."

"It doesn't matter, I need to do this." Wish he'd quit now, change the subject. We've figured it out, ironed out the details so we don't need to keep going over it. Only when he does start up on something else, well I'm wishing we were still talking business.

"Yeah, okay, I won't let you down so quit worrying about it. So what's really going on with you and Leigh?"

"Nothing," I reply, unable to look him in the eye.

"You sure? 'Cause all I've had since the weekend is my sister bitching at me about you non-fucking-stop every time I've seen her. It's like being back in high school."

Shrug at him. "Yeah? Well there ain't nothing to say. Saw her for a while, and now I'm not, end of story. Why do you care anyway?"

He grins at me. "I don't, just wondered what all the fuss was about."

"Like I said, it's nothing, she don't mean anything to me."

"Is that right?" he replies, laughing a little. "Suppose that's why Sylv seems so keen to find Leigh someone new. She was telling me she wants to do something so she can take Leigh's mind off missing you, or some rubbish like that."

Despite my efforts to make him believe I don't care, his comment gets the better of me, find myself wanting to hear more. "What are you talking about?"

"Just I called in at their place on my way home last night and Sylvia was bothering Mike about if he had any 'decent single guys' working with him, before she started up on me too. Told her I might know one or two." He grins at me. "I mean, it's not going to be a problem, is it? Not if it's over between you?"

Fuck. Don't want to think about it. Get the feeling he ain't being entirely serious, that Nick's playing me and only saying it to try to get a reaction out of me. Although after all I've said to Leigh recently I don't suppose I can exactly object anyway. Hell, I almost wish I'd taken up Robinson's job offer 'cause I could do with an excuse to be hitting somebody right about now. Instead, I push back my chair, make out like I don't give a damn and force out more lies.

"Do what you fucking like, Miller, take her out yourself for all I care, it makes no difference to me." Wonder whether I'll convince myself it's true too, if I say it enough times. I'm on my feet now, heading towards the door. "Anyway, I got to go, I've an early start. I'll see you tomorrow."


	15. Chapter 15

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN**

 _Friday night._

I'm standing here with Miller, killing time until that deal is supposed to take place. We've found a decent enough spot to watch from, down towards the river – gives us a couple of options too if we get made and need to get out of here in a hurry. But God, now we're here I realise I'd forgotten how dull doing all this sort of crap truly is. Glance across at Nick and I reckon he's feeling the same. Get the feeling both of us would prefer to be in a bar somewhere right about now checking out the talent rather than hanging around to catch a glimpse of some bunch of lowlifes in action.

"So how'd you get on at the parole office this afternoon?" he asks, his eyes still fixed on the turning where we're expecting to see Myers appear.

"Yeah, all good. Seems Barnes is real pleased with me. Says he thinks that I'm making a real good effort at keeping out of trouble and because I've lasted out here for a whole two months he's going to take a chance and let me check in with him every two weeks from now on."

Nick laughs. "Yeah right, you're trying real hard with that. Guess it's just as well he can't see you now."

"What?" I grin back at him. "Ain't doing nothing illegal am I? I'm only out enjoying the evening air."

"Sure." The noise of some approaching cars catches our attention, there're three in total pulling to a stop just a few seconds apart, around a hundred yards away from us in the shadows of the abandoned building. "Looks like the show's about to start, at least their punctual, anyways." And we both fall silent, our eyes trained on trying to figure out exactly who's arriving and why they are there.

They don't bother with going inside and it appears this is a well-oiled enough machine that's it's straight down to the deal. We're too far away and they are too quiet for us to hear the conversation, can only make out the odd word as the wind catches their speech.

"Cheers…for setting this all up so quick." I catch from Wayne as he hands over what has to be a parcel of cash to who is clearly the boss of this thing. Catch him nod just a little before one of the others open the trunk of the car Wayne's guys step into action and the boxes are quickly moved into his waiting car by Pete, Richie Evans – and that other guy. The one from the night I get sent down and I realise it's the same one who ordered Myers to put me out the picture that night in Sixty-five, who is back here as the middle man in this deal. Shit. Suddenly this is more than getting even with some lads I've hated for about as long as I've known them. Now I'm feeling the need to get even with all of them, do something to really make my mark. But that means I need to think about this, properly, carefully, without rushing and fucking it all up.

Minutes later and they are all heading off again, separate directions without a backwards glance at each other and hopefully all oblivious to our presence. Still, at least we go away with more knowledge than we got here with - a better idea of the scale of the thing, who they are working for and exactly what type of business it is they're involved in.

"So, how about that beer now?" I ask Nick with a grin, "see what we can make of all this?"

"Too right. Reckon I need more than a beer about now, that's some serious shit, Tim. I mean I'd heard the rumours, but damn it, what are they into – selling them on, or stockpiling for their own use? Planning something big?"

And the more we talk about it, considering the options, and going round and around in circles trying to come up with a good plan the less sense any of it makes to either of us, until Nick has clearly had enough.

"Come on, let's go. Think about it again tomorrow with a clear head."

"Yeah, okay." I'm on my feet following him out the bar, down the street. Only we're barely a couple of blocks away before it hits me that I've no wish to go home yet and me staying out a little longer is a better idea, so I say my farewells and take the next corner towards another familiar bar.

Pretty soon I'm wishing I hadn't bothered though, or that I'd at least headed somewhere else, taken the left hand turning instead of heading up here. There's a small group of guys chatting a few feet from the door way and I'm about to push past them and head inside when the door swings open and she steps out, find myself face to face with Leigh for the second time in less than a week.

"Oh. Hi, Tim," she murmurs.

"Leigh." I don't exactly know how I want to handle this, try to get myself some time to think. "You leaving already?"

"That's right."

Decide maybe to take a chance on mending fences between us. "Can I walk you home?"

"Thank you." She smiles at me and her expression – the look in her eyes - makes me think she wants to say yes, but she's shaking her head. "But no, it's alright."

"Are you sure? It wouldn't be any trouble. Maybe give us a chance to—"

"No. I'm sure," she interrupts, glancing back over her shoulder as she speaks, an awkward expression clouding her face as some guy I've never seen before peels away from the group to join her.

"Hey, sorry about that, couldn't get away from them." He slings an arm casually around her, frowns at me as he questions her. "This a friend of yours?"

She sounds real uncomfortable as she answers. "Yeah, Tim's a friend... a friend of Nick's – you know, Sylvia's brother?"

"Oh, right, well good to meet you," he says, clearly not meaning a word of it before his attention is focused back on her. "So shall we get going?"

"Um, I guess. Bye, Tim."

Watch the pair of them walk away, until they stop by car at the corner, and he unlocks the door for her, kisses her quickly before she gets in. Wait until they pull away, turn the corner and I can't see them no more before I move. Damn. But I reckon I'll need more than a couple of beers after all, need something to block out that image, him with an arm around her, kissing her, like she belonged with him. Like there was never anything between us.

Sink a couple more beers and let myself chat up some broad nearby, pay her a few more compliments and persuade her to have another drink, both of us well aware where this is heading. Figure that if she doesn't need me no more than I sure as hell don't need Leigh O'Connell. I can get along fine without her. Only as I'm making my intentions clear and we're fumbling our way out back in search of somewhere a little more private I find it's Leigh who's still on my mind not the girl I'm with, no matter how hard I try to forget.

xxxxxx

 _Saturday morning._

"Damn it, Ma, no one has touched your newspapers."

"But I can't find it."

"Find what?" I ask, even though I know she don't really know what she's looking for and I got no wish to help her, the way I'm feeling this morning.

"There was a story, it was something important. I need to read it again." Her voice trails away as she smooths out the pages, her eyes darting across the lines of words over and over.

"So why don't you just—" I'm interrupted by someone knocking on the door.

"Who's there?" Ma asks, getting more agitated by the second.

"How in hell, do I know?"

"Well, what's wrong? Why is there someone here?" She reaches out, grabs my arm so I can't walk away. "I don't like it, Tim. What if something's happened? Where's your brother? Is he in trouble? Are you in trouble? Oh God. Is it the police, what did you do?"

Bend down a little so I'm looking her in the eye, hope it'll be enough to calm her down. "Ma, listen, it's gonna be nothing. Look at me. I'm fine, I'm here and Curly's still in bed." The knocking repeats and I twist my head a little; shout out over my shoulder, hoping someone else is awake. "Damn it, can one of you get the door!" I finally hear my sisters' footsteps in the hall followed by her muffled voice as she speaks to who on earth is calling around here at nine on a Saturday morning.

"Hey, Tim! It's for you!"

I sigh. "Of course it is." Prise Ma's hand off of me and push myself back upright then head out the room towards the front of the house.

As I glance up and realise who it is, I try to keep my eyes focused straight ahead, to not react - even when I reach the front door and she's standing right in front of me, so damn close to me, if I wanted to I could just reach out…fuck, but I don't need this. Not after last night.

"Hi, Tim."

"Hello, Leigh." Really wish I had a cigarette about now. Instead I stare down at my feet, as I can feel her watching me, like she's willing me to speak while Angela loiters a few feet behind me in the hallway between the doors to our bedrooms. "Ain't you got somewhere else to be, Ange?" I snap.

"Not especially." She grins at me, leaning back against the door frame.

"Just beat it." Wait for her to leave, not surprised in the slightest that she's decided to go make sure Curly's awake rather than retreat to her own room. My sister's never been one to miss out on what she hopes might be some kind of drama. "What in hell d'you want, Leigh? Why are you here?"

"I needed to see you."

"And why's that?"

She shrugs, doesn't actually answer the question.

"Well you've seen me now, so why don't you get out of here?" I tell myself to turn around to head back inside without waiting any longer for an answer and I'm halfway along the hall already when I realise she's following me. "For God's sake, Leigh. What are you doing?"

"Please, Tim. Just give me a couple minutes. I only want to talk to you. Please?"

Shake my head, run a hand through my hair as I glance over my shoulder towards my half-open bedroom door with Angela lurking barely inside and Curly most likely there right next to her; the kitchen where I know Ma is sitting; Harry snoring loudly in their room at the end of the hall. "Well I don't think you being here is a good idea right now."

"Tim, please-"

"What – your boyfriend busy this morning or something? You aiming to slum it a little while he ain't around to know?"

"No!"

"Then what, Leigh?"

"Well, after I saw you last night, I didn't want you to get the wrong idea and think it was something it wasn't."

"Yeah? Then what exactly was it?"

She sighs. "It wasn't anything. I only met him yesterday, an utterly tedious first date spending all night listening to him talking about himself. I only agreed to it to get Sylvia off my case and it was only a couple of drinks, I mean we didn't… I didn't do anything else."

Christ. Wish I could say the same. Push that thought away and focus on her words instead. "You not like him then?"

"No, not really." She shakes her head, "I don't know, it's just he wasn't… I mean he isn't… Oh, I don't know what I mean and what do you care? I'm an idiot, I knew this was a dumb idea, I should have stayed at home." She steps back, as though to leave. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have wasted your time."

"Jesus, Leigh, you've come all over here, so you might as well spit it out and tell me what the hell is on your mind. I mean, you don't owe me no explanations, we ain't together so you can see who you like." Although I wonder if I'm saying that more for my own benefit right now, to excuse my own crap behaviour rather than anything she might have done. "Suppose he seemed like a decent enough guy." Have a sudden thought, not a good one, as I wonder if that's why she's here looking for me. Not for me, but because she needs my help. "He was, wasn't he? Didn't do nothing to you, did he?"

"What? Oh. No, nothing bad. And yes, he was a nice enough guy, only so damn dull."

"And I need to know this why?"

"Honestly? I don't know why I'm here, saying this." She blushes, looks away while I try to keep my patience with her as I wait a little longer. "I mean he was nice to me and all, he didn't do anything wrong. Only I knew from the moment I got there it wasn't going to work out."

"Yeah? Why's that?"

"Because at the end of the day there was one big problem." She pauses, bites her lip, steps a little closer to me, her hand on my arm.

I'm so damn tempted to just forget everything that's wrong between us, instead find myself almost snapping at her as the tension between us grows a little more. "Look, Leigh, say what's on your mind will you? What was wrong with him?"

"Just one thing - he wasn't you, Tim." And she doesn't wait for me to answer, instead she kisses me. And damn, right now I don't care about anything else aside from how fucking good this feels, the rest the world can go to hell as I hold her close to me.

Guess I'm an idiot though, takes about ten seconds before I come to my senses, as I hear Ma start up again in the background, the chair scraping across the kitchen floor as she speaks.

"Tim! Who is it?"

Curly stumbles out the bedroom, flashes me a quick grin. "It's alright, I'll deal with Ma."

Only it's too late, any hope that this was a good idea is rapidly fading. Push her away because I can't do this, won't make her a part of this, of my fucked up world.

"You need to leave."

"But—"

"But nothing, Leigh. I ain't a good guy."

"Yes, Tim, you are."

She reaches out again and tries to take my hand but I step back, evade her touch. "You wouldn't be saying that if you knew the truth, exactly all the bad shit I've ever done. What I'm capable of."

"So tell me. Let me decide for myself instead of thinking you know what's best for me all the damn time."

"Yeah? Are you sure you really want to do this?"

She nods. "I'm not leaving until you talk to me, I'm not prepared to give up on you that easily again."

Laugh a little, a grim, bitter laugh. "Alright, let's do this. Reckon you won't be saying that by the time I'm done though." Reach out, take her hand and pull her towards the bedroom, pushing Angela out the room as I reach the door. "Get out, Ange, and stay out. No listening at the door, no barging in here, understand?"

And I guess I must sound like I actually mean it, 'cause for once my sister doesn't argue back at all, she just watches with her eyes wide as I slam the door behind me, take a deep breath and turn towards Leigh.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N:** Thanks to everyone reading, and for your reviews. So here's the next chapter, I hope you like it...

* * *

 **CHAPTER SIXTEEN**

I lean back against the door, fold my arms and wonder what in hell I should say first, a hundred and one different things swirling around in my head.

 _McAlester, the constant noise, the tension; that feeling of always being on edge, needing to watch your back; Walt and Bobby, how I should have listened to Ray; but then listening apparently ain't ever been my strong point, as Harry's always keen enough to point out._

I feel like I did that other night, like I might lose it. Looking up I realise Leigh's standing awkwardly, a few feet away beside my bed, playing with the ends of her hair as she watches me, like she's expecting me to speak, wonder how long I've been standing here as the memories keep on coming.

 _Fights at school, in bars, on the street; all the risk taking and trouble making, always thinking I was so damn clever, that I'd never get caught._

God, I need to get a grip, remember that it's best for both of us this way and get this over with. "You want to sit down?"

"Okay."

Leigh glances around then perches on the edge of my bed, looks expectantly at me as though she thinks I'm going to join her. And I guess I should. Least if I'm over there then there's less chance of my sister overhearing any of what I've got to say next. Because I figure there's no point softening this, not if I need her to get the message as quickly and easily as possible, once and for all.

 _Countless, nameless girls; too many to remember until I met her and found myself caught out by the idea that I could want one person so fucking much._

Shake myself, I need to stop thinking like that and make her understand that she's wasting her time giving a damn about some lowlife ex-con like me.

"Do you know how I spent last night? After I ran into you and your boyfriend?"

She frowns at me. "Damn it, Tim, I already told you he's not—"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. You'll be wishing you'd stuck with him once we're done. I spent last night with some broad I met in that bar, screwing around in a back room. Some broad whose name I don't even remember."

Leigh flinches a little at my words. She closes her eyes and for a half second I think she's going to start crying. God I hope she don't, don't think I could handle that right now. Although as usual she proves me wrong, because she takes a deep breath, swallows and composes herself a little before staring right at me as she finally replies. "Well, like you said before, we weren't together, so—"

"So just forget it. I'm a bad person, Leigh. I've done stuff, real bad shit that you don't have the first clue about because if you did you'd walk out that fucking door and never so much as give me the time of day ever again."

She sighs. "So you've been in some trouble, it's not like that's anything unusual around here, is it?"

"No, but there's more to it than petty crime and fighting."

"So tell me then. It doesn't matter that you picked up some random girl when we weren't even seeing each other. I mean it's not exactly great, or how I was hoping you were spending your time, but it's your decision. What I do care about is what suddenly changed your mind to make you think you're such a bad choice for me when it was you who pushed for us to get back together. Or was Pete right about it all and you were just using me the whole time?"

Feel myself getting angry at the mention of Myers, snap at her in reply, "No. He's a jerk, and despite what he said none of it had anything to do with him."

"Well, I guess that's something at least. So how about you actually tell me what's really bothering you?"

"You sure you want to know?"

Leigh nods. "Yeah, I do."

"Well, don't say I didn't warn you." I shift a little further away, rest my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands as I find myself wondering why I'm actually considering doing this, why I'm so determined to make her hate me. Figure starting with the worst of it all is a good a place as any.

"That day you came up to McAlester—" I freeze, as the door creaks slowly open behind me. "For God's sake, Angela. What the fuck did I just tell you?" I bark.

Only it ain't her; it's my brother, a sheepish half grin on his face as he heads to the dresser, gestures to his bare chest. "Sorry. Need a shirt."

"Right this fucking second?"

"Yep, unless you want Ange listening at the wall with a glass."

"What the hell is her problem?" I'm on my feet again, about to go give her a piece of my mind but he calls out to me, a broad grin on his face now.

"Leave it, Tim, I'm gonna take her to go get breakfast somewhere, give the two of you some peace."

I sit back down as he begins rummaging through the drawer, pulling things out before shoving them back down, while Leigh seems preoccupied with staring at the pattern on her dress and I'm wishing he'd hurry the fuck up because I can't seem to stop my mind from racing as I watch him.

 _Day after day of no food in the house; no money to buy anything and me having to be the one to find some way to fix it 'cause Ma can barely even get herself out of bed some days, let alone take care of either of them._

 _Ma crying and screaming as she tells me they're sending Curly to the reformatory, how it's all my fault; how all the time I spent there ain't nothing to knowing he's going through it too.  
_

"Any time today, Curly."

"Yeah, I know, just trying to find- oh, here it is." He pulls the shirt on, grabs his shoes from the floor and turns to me. "Ma's okay now, found the thing she was looking for in the end so she should be alright for a couple hours at least."

"Alright. And Harry?"

"Still sleeping. Probably be out of it for hours."

"Okay. Now can you just get out of here?"

He grins again as he goes out the room, before cursing at Angela who's whining at him about how unfair he is until the front door bangs shut behind them a couple of seconds later and the whole house falls into a familiar uneasy silence.

 _Learning early that it was best to keep my mouth shut when the old man was in one of them moods; Curly never quite judging it right, always managing to say the wrong thing, wind him up somehow._

"So what were you were saying?" she asks, bringing me back to the here and now, "something about McAlester?"

"Yeah. Do you remember me speaking to that guy who sat a couple of tables over, his wife was there, about due to have their kid?"

"Um yeah, at least I remember her anyway, she was outside when we were all waiting to be let in. Why, is he a friend of yours or something?"

"Was. He died, in a fight in there." I run a hand through my hair and stare over at Curly's unmade mess of a bed, but it doesn't do any good, doesn't take away that image from the mess hall that's never too far from my thoughts.

 _So much blood everywhere and all because I was so damn desperate to fix things that I ended up doing something as dumb as that._

"God, I'm sorry."

"Don't be, was his own fault. She left him and he couldn't handle it, got into shit with some guys he should have known better than mess with, brought it all on himself. I should have known better too, should have taken Ray's advice and kept the hell out of shit that didn't concern me."

"Was Ray another friend of yours?"

"Yeah. Shared a cell with him. Then there was Bobby, he was in the row across from us too." Wonder if he's back in the cell block yet, if he ever made it out the hospital wing.

"So you got involved in this, how?"

"When they went after Walt I tried to stop it, to help him. Only turns out I should have listened to Ray. 'Cause me getting involved didn't save him. Just ended up with some other guy dead too and a whole unfair stack of trouble for Bobby that should have been on me, not him." And somehow I find myself sharing all the horrific details and the trouble I caused. Don't stop there either, seems now I've started talking I can't fucking stop and I find myself spilling all sorts of secrets I've never spoken about before, about Ma and the old man, growing up, all the trouble I ever got into. "So you see, Leigh. You don't want to be with me, the loser who killed someone."

Finally force myself to look at her. Her eyes are wide, face drained of colour, but despite the obvious shock it seems telling her all this hasn't had the effect I expected, because she's not going anywhere; if anything she edges a little closer to me, her voice quiet.

"Did you mean to do it?"

"What?" I ask, frowning.

"Did you mean to kill that guy? Or do it just for the hell of it?"

"No! I never meant for—"

"Exactly," she interrupts, "so maybe you need to stop being so damn hard on yourself."

And I don't get why _she_ is finding _this_ so hard. Why she can't just understand the truth of what I'm trying to say to her and forget about me.

"Doesn't change that I'm responsible for what happened to him, and to Bobby – or make it right. Or that you deserve somebody so much fucking better. Someone decent who can give you a better life than anything I can offer. Reckon my Ma's probably right, all the times she called me out for being just like the old man; seems that being a lying, cheating, piece of work really does run in the family."

"No. I don't believe that's true, I reckon they all think more of you than you realise." She rests one arm around my shoulders before her fingertips brush the side of my face, tracing my scars gently as she speaks and it's so damn distracting. "And why tell me all of this, but then say we don't belong together? If you trust me enough to share all of this with me then you could at least let _me_ decide on that, figure out for myself if this changes how I feel about you."

I lift her hand gently away from my face, although I don't let go just yet, hold her hand as I speak, my reasoning sounding ridiculous as I hear myself say it out loud. "To make you understand. What I'm really like."

She laughs, real quiet, her eyes sad as she looks up at me. "But I already know that, Tim, and you don't get to choose how I feel about you, it just don't work like that. When I'm with you I see someone who does what he can to look after the people he cares about, any way he can. Not the cold, hard person you're describing, or the heartless hood you try to make everyone believe you are."

I shrug her off, feel the need to put some distance between us again and clear my head; I'm supposed to be ending this but all I can think about is being with her, holding her again, don't know that I trust myself not to right now. So I get to my feet and pace around a little, jam my hands in my jean pockets. "Jesus, Leigh. You been watching too many movies or reading them trashy romance stories Ange loves so much? I don't know who you're talking about but it sure as hell ain't me."

"Yes, it is." She's on her feet now too, right in front of me, arms folded as she continues on. "I'm not stupid, Tim; I spent enough time around my dad and the guys he worked with to know it's pretty damn obvious you got a kick out of all the fighting and stealing and running your gang, that you enjoyed being in charge of it all." She pauses, a wry smile on her face. "Hell, that's probably part of the reason I fell for you in the first place. But I don't think that's the only reason you did some of it either. All that lifting stuff when you were kids, was for them, wasn't it? Because no one else was going to help you. And that's no different today. You're still putting yourself in between the fights with your step dad or helping out your Ma, looking out for your brother and sister. Sounds to me that you did what you could that day was much the same, that you were trying to protect your friend. And this now, pushing me away because you somehow think it's the right thing to do."

"Really?" I ask, not quite managing to keep the sarcasm out of my voice.

"Can you not just admit I might be right?" Leigh replies, sounding exasperated now. "You could have left here any time, if you really wanted to. Run away or enlisted soon as you were old enough, or even skipped town and disappeared when they let you out of jail, it's not like the cops would've wasted a whole lot of effort in tracking you down or nothing. But you didn't, you came back here. And here you are, still doing the best you can to make things a little easier for all of them, and it's that that makes you exactly the kind of guy I do want to be with. Nobody knows what's gonna happen, how things might work out, but I reckon everybody deserves a chance at being with someone, to try to be happy. I suppose I just really hoped that you wanted to be with me, that you actually felt the same way I do." She watches me for a couple of seconds, shakes her head and takes a step towards the door. "Tim?" she asks, softly, "you gonna say anything, or is this it, should I just leave?"

And then it hits me how much I want to believe her, to be the person she thinks I am. That if I throw this away without even trying to make a go of it then I've just let all that's bad in my life win. Find myself closing the distance between us, slipping my arms around her, kissing her; let myself forget about the pain, the all-consuming need for revenge, as I finally admit to myself how badly I want her in my life.


	17. Chapter 17

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN**

 _Friday evening._

"So I think I know where they're storing the gear, before they move it on." Nick grins at me as he stands there on the front step and shares this news. "Want to go take a look around?"

Find myself glancing at my watch before I answer him, it's nearly eight already. "I ain't sure I've got time right now. I can do it tomorrow."

"Tomorrow might be too late, reckon they won't keep anything there too long before they move it on."

"I don't know. I'm supposed to be somewhere."

"Yeah?" he asks, looking me up and down as I stand here in a clean shirt, my most decent jeans. "You got a date or something, trying to impress someone?"

Can't hardly stop myself from grinning back either as I reply, "Yeah, maybe."

"You found yourself a new broad then?" he asks, a smirk on his face. "Who is it? You meet someone that you ain't told me about?"

"No, not new exactly, just trying something again."

He raises his eyebrows a little. "What, you and Leigh?"

Nod at him. "Yeah, since last weekend."

"About fucking time you sorted that, Shepard. How'd it happen though? You finally admit you're a screw up and beg her to take you back or something?"

"Something like that." I push past him, start walking down the path towards my car.

"So how's it going?"

Find myself thinking over the past few days, how since Saturday things have been going real well. That I've been spending more time with her than I have here at home and the fact she knows pretty much everything bad about me but still wants me around is like some weight lifted off of my shoulders. Not that I'm going to be telling Nick any of that.

"None of your damn business, Miller. Now how about you quit gossiping like a school girl and we go investigate what you've found? Reckon I can spare a half hour."

xxxxxx

I let out a low whistle as I follow Nick across the street, realise which building he's pointing at. "No way, not this place. Can't fucking believe it."

Nick laughs at me. "Yeah, fucked up, ain't it? But I suppose he knows the place well enough all the time they used to spend down here, and it's been empty since Frank had to close it down, developers haven't done anything aside from board it up. Lucky chance, I guess, that I saw Myers getting in his car just close to here last night; got me to wondering why he'd be hanging out around here, seeing as this ain't his usual territory. Reckon this has to be where they're storing some of their crap between deals. I mean, I don't suppose anybody would think twice about looking in here and I can't think of another reason he'd be down here."

I stare up at the sign over the door, can't help but remember all the times I spent in there, too. Push that away 'cause now is not the time for sentiment.

"So how do we get in? I'm pretty sure we don't need nobody spotting us strolling in through the front door or nothing."

Nick laughs, points to the alley at the side of the building. "There's a back way in, fire exit out of sight of the street."

"And there's no one in there? He hasn't left anybody keeping a watch over it or nothing?"

"Not last night. Guess we take a chance it's still the same set up today."

"Well, I suppose we won't know for sure by standing out here talking about it, might as well find out exactly what it is they got going on."

xxxxxx

Less than five minutes later and we're approaching unseen from the street behind, after walking the long way around the block to get here, before Nick forces the lock for us to find our way inside, eyes adjusting now to the gloom. The place is dismal and dirty, smells like a mixture of stale sweat and damp and the only sound is the dripping of a tap somewhere; most the equipment is still in here, the faded pictures still hanging on the walls; a shell of how it used to be the last time I was here when it was buzzing with people.

"Guess we better look around."

Nick shrugs, heads towards the changing rooms, while I find myself drawn toward the office where I spent so much time hanging around with Leigh back then, my mind wandering as I open and close cabinet drawers, until he shouts out to me.

"Hey, Shepard. Get out here."

Follow Nick's voice and find him in the boiler room, off the back of the old kit room, doors open to reveal all the various different shit Myers is apparently dealing in now he's back in town, neatly stacked against the wall.

"Jesus. I can't believe he's dumb enough to leave all this in here unprotected."

"Don't know about dumb, more like arrogant, knowing Myers. Suppose he figured it was a safer bet than keeping it about his house or the places people know he uses until he can move it on, would not surprise me if he's got more stashed somewhere else too. The question is, what we gonna do with it now we found it? Take as much as we can with us and sell it on?"

"To who?"

"No idea." He shrugs. "Ditch it in the river, then?

"No way, I ain't risking getting caught with any of this shit, we get pulled over with any of this and I'm headed straight back inside for sure."

"Phone the cops, tip 'em off?"

"Tempting as it is, and however much Myers deserves to get sent down for what he did to me, it ain't exactly my style. Would rather handle this myself and keep as far away from the cops as possible."

Nick pokes about a bit more, opens up another couple of crates and peers in at the contents. "Then what, Tim?"

I think for a while longer, cast my eyes over all the boxes that Myers has stashed in there and consider the options on how we can deal with it, that'll cause him trouble and let me get out of here without wasting too much more time - and there's only really one easily workable, viable choice that keeps suggesting itself to me. "We destroy it; burn it."

"What, in here?"

"Why not? It's empty, scheduled for demolition anyway according to that notice outside. It's not like anyone lives here, is it? Building next door is empty too. Cops'll probably think it was squatters or something, breaking in and setting a fire that got out of hand. Let's get this done and get out of here." Grab a couple of bottles from a box in the corner and twist the lids off, start emptying them over the other stuff at the back. "Now, have you got any matches?"

xxxxxx

 _Tuesday night._

I'm only half listening as Leigh talks to me. Mainly because I've no real clue as to what she's talking about. I'm assuming it's the movie we've just seen but I don't know that I exactly watched any of it, not between thinking about her and how this is going between us, and all the other shit that I've had on my mind. And then out of the blue she's talking about _that_.

"Say, did you see the paper yesterday? There was a fire at my dad's old place at the weekend. Wonder what happened, how it started. You know, they're saying someone set it deliberate, but why would they, what's the point in doing that?"

"No, didn't see it." God, that's all I need, her thinking about it, worrying over that. Try to ignore the uncomfortable feeling in my stomach as she talks more about this thing I've done; how once again there're secrets between us, because of me. "Shame about it, though."

"Yeah, dad loved that place. Sometimes I wish he'd found someone to take it on as a business, I know that's what he wanted, but the developers were the only ones interested. You haven't heard anything about it have you? No talk or nothing?"

"No, why would I?" I answer, a little too quickly I guess as she shoots me a puzzled look. But it's not a complete lie, I've only heard rumours so far, that Myers is pissed about it, getting trouble from his associates. Nothing concrete and nothing she needs to know, about them - or me - being connected to it.

"No reason, just you know more people than me, might have heard some chat about it at work or something."

"Oh, well if I do I'll let you know. Hear anything I mean." Jesus, I need to pull myself together before I get in even more of a mess over this. "Are you upset about it?" Find I can't just leave it now though, need to know how she's feeling - if I've made her feel bad again.

"No. Not really." She sighs, rubs at her forehead. "I mean I still got his photos and some of the things he won and all back when he was fighting, all the important stuff, so I don't suppose it really matters. They were planning to knock it down anyways, I think, build apartments or something."

We pause on the edge of the sidewalk; wait for a couple of cars to pass by so we can cross the street.

"Oh right. You want to go someplace for a drink?" I ask, hoping to change the subject. Don't exactly feel guilty about what I've done but it still doesn't exactly sit easy, this connection to her.

"Hmm. Not really. It's getting kind of late and I've a busy day at work tomorrow."

"Oh. Okay. You want me to take you home, then?" I mutter, my disappointment apparently evident in my voice because she smiles at me, shakes her head as she takes my hand.

"Well yeah, that'd be nice, but you could always stay and have that drink at my place? If you want to?"

"Sounds like the best idea I've heard all night."

We're a block away from hers when I see the car trail by a second time, try to dismiss it as coincidence, that it's just a similar model, after all there must be plenty of them on the road.

And now, at last, she's talking about something else, something that happened at work and who she saw in the store earlier and a hundred different things; the kind of crap that I ain't interested in hearing from no one else but that it always amazes me I'm happy enough to listen to when it's her telling me.

Make it almost to her building when that Ford comes around again and it's obvious now that it being here isn't down to chance.

I'm pretty sure I know why they're trailing me, who it'll turn out to be in there. I'm surprised it's taken Myers this long to put two and two together and come find me. Shame this is going to happen here though; would prefer Leigh not to see this and I wonder if I can get us out of here before things turn messy. Only my car is parked up out on the street, and now they're between us and it, so it looks like we don't even have that option.

"You go on up, I'll be there in a minute."

"Why? What's going on?" she asks, glancing at me before frowning over at the car as all four doors swing open to reveal Wayne Myers and three of his sometime River King heavies.

"Don't know. But whatever it is, it ain't looking like a social call."

"So leave it, come inside," she suggests, her voice shaky as she takes a hold of my arm.

Shake my head at her. "No. You know that won't make any difference. If they're looking for me, they'll only follow. Better whatever it is happens out here. Now go on, get out of here. Go inside, lock the door and don't come out, no matter what you think is happening. I'll be fine, Leigh, I promise. I just don't need to be worrying about you being safe on top of anything else." Kiss her quickly on the forehead before pushing her gently towards the steps, relieved that she's finally doing as I've asked.

I listen to her footsteps on the metal staircase, hear her door opening and closing behind her, the key in the lock, while I study the four approaching guys and figure I'm in for some kind of beating because it's obvious there ain't no way I can take out all of them, no matter how well I might be able to handle myself in a fight.

"Evening, Shepard," Wayne says. "It's been a while." Look him over and can't miss the black eye, the cuts to his face. Looks like he's been on the receiving end of something already and I guess he's here to share that fallout with me.

"Yep. So what brings you here tonight?"

"Rumour has it you've been interfering in things that don't concern you. Again. Seems to be something of a habit of yours."

"Don't know what you're talking about." There's no way he can know we were there, suppose I'm just a safe bet though, if he's looking for someone to blame.

He laughs. "Well, see I got some friends, and they got friends up state. And they sure have some interesting stories to tell about you."

As he's been talking the other guys have been moving closer.

"Really?"

"Yeah. And then there's a little matter of some fire damage to some property of mine."

"Sounds like you need to take better care of things then, Wayne."

He glares at me. "Look, Shepard, I'll spell it out for you. I've got business interests to protect, people to keep happy so that means you need to stay the hell out of matters that don't concern you. You really should have learnt the lesson last time around, because next time it won't just be you I come after, it'll be that pretty little girl you got waiting for you up there. Hell, maybe I'll even let my brother have the fun of taking care of her."

I know I shouldn't react, that it would be wisest not to say anything, but it's too late. As I launch myself at him and throw a wild, reckless punch the words slip out before I can stop myself. "You leave her the hell out of this. She ain't nothing to do with it, understand?"

Wayne sidesteps away from me, my fist barely grazing him. "Well now, that's entirely in your hands ain't it?" He smirks at me before nodding at the other three and then everything becomes a blur as I'm under attack, punches flying at me from all directions. Do my best to fight them off, knock one of them down pretty easy, think I do some damage to the second one too. But of course there's always the next one waiting to rush me, and pretty soon my head is all over the place, can feel the warmth of my own blood running down the side of my face as one of them grabs my shoulders as Wayne finally joins in and lays into me himself, until another voice rings through the air.

"Take your fucking shit elsewhere, punks, and keep the goddamned noise down. Don't make me have to come down there and tell you again."

Never have I been so glad to hear that asshole neighbour of Leigh's, the guy who's always peering out his door and complaining at everyone.

"Keep out of what don't concern you, old man, unless you want to join him," Wayne yells.

As I take another blow to the ribs I think I hear Bill laughing. "Oh, that ain't gonna happen." Hear the click of the shotgun as he loads it followed by what sounds like his last warning as a shot rings out into the dark night sky. "Couldn't give a damn what you kids do to each other, unless it's outside my fucking home. Now quit disturbing the peace and get the hell away from my building."

And that's the last thing I hear as I take one final blow to the chin, the ground rushing up to meet me as everything turns black.


	18. Chapter 18

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN**

I try to shift myself upright but it's too much, just moving sends yet another splitting pain shooting through my forehead. Got no clue where I am right now; try to recall what was happening. Get an image of Myers smirking, his fist connecting with my face; Leigh somewhere around, away from what's going on. Or least she was, the last I remember. Need to know she's okay, what happened after I blacked out.

"Fuck." I struggle to sit, find myself letting out a cry of pain before I can stop myself and slump back down hoping the discomfort will subside, as it hits me I'm somehow in the back of my own car and she's the one driving us.

"Tim?" Leigh asks, her voice sounds quiet, like she's miles away not just a couple feet away from me. "You awake?"

"Yeah," I mutter, "how'd I get in here?"

"Bill helped me move you so I could get you in the car, after they all left."

"Why? Where are we going?" I try again to shift myself more upright, but the pain radiating through my body and my head is still too strong.

"To the hospital."

"No," I hiss at her, "just take me home, okay? I'm fine."

"But—"

"But nothing, Leigh. Just do it."

"Shit, Tim, you got any idea how badly they hurt you?" she asks, as I feel the car slow down a little.

"Don't care, just take me to my place."

"Yeah, okay," she finally agrees, so I let myself close my eyes again. Tell myself it's just for a second, that I'll be alright once we get there.

xxxxxx

I know straight away that I'm not at home. The lights are too bright, nothing sounds right, I don't recognise any of the voices. Force my eyes open so as to take a proper look around and it seems I'm in the damn emergency room after all. Just what I don't fucking need - people interfering, asking me too many fucking questions. The nurse hovering by the bedside smiles at me and asks me how I'm feeling then checks me over, telling me she'll go get my family.

The curtains around the bed part again and it's Leigh who rushes in, looking so damn relieved as she smiles at me then throws her arms gently around me and kisses me.

"Hey there. How you feeling? I was so worried."

Find myself frowning, snap at her even though I am pleased to see her and it's obvious she ain't holding up all that well either. Her eyes are red from crying and ringed with dark circles, then there's what I'm assuming is only my blood staining her clothes.

"Thought I told you to take me home, Leigh."

"I did," she mumbles, looking at the ground, not me.

"Then you care to tell me why the fuck I'm in here?"

She tenses a little at my tone, but it ain't her that answers me.

"'Cause we couldn't damn well get you to stay awake is why. Ma was going nuts, screaming and crying out in the street like she thought you were done for."

"Yeah, course she was. More likely bitching about what trouble I was causing her."

Curly shakes his head. "No, she was really worried, Tim. You were all over the place, talking shit when you did come round then passing out again, so you didn't exactly leave us much choice."

Push myself a little more upright and glare over Leigh's shoulder at my brother. I don't remember any of what he's saying as having happened, wonder if it's more than a little over exaggerated because he's let Ma's complaining get to him.

"Damn it, Curly. You should know better than that. Don't need anybody getting too interested in what's gone down."

"Why? Is there more to this, Tim?" Leigh asks, "is there something bad going on with you and Wayne again, because I thought we were past you keeping me in the dark over everything?"

Can hear footsteps and movement around us in the busy ward, can't help but wonder exactly who might be listening in. "This is not the place for that conversation, Leigh."

"Sorry," she almost whispers, "but it's alright, we didn't tell no one what actually happened; I just said some guys came out of nowhere and tried to rob us is all, didn't say anything about knowing who they were."

"Yeah, right," I sneer, pushing a hand through my hair and regretting it as triggers another wave of pain through my skull. "Like anyone is going to believe that shit. Ain't no one in their right mind think someone would waste their time mugging me."

"Damn it, Tim, why don't you stop being an ungrateful fucking ass and shut the hell up? We had no choice, alright? You got beat up bad, doctor said you'd likely got some real serious concussion, and you've probably bust your ribs some too. So quit blaming Leigh for this. Was my decision as much as hers to bring you here, ain't nothing we could have done for you at home."

Before I can respond to this the nurse reappears. "I'm sorry, but it's getting late and he needs to rest so you'll both have to leave now."

"Oh, okay, thank you," Leigh replies, trying to smile as she gets to her feet before turning back to me. "Guess I'll come see you tomorrow after work then?"

"Yeah. Look I'm sorry alright, was just a bit of a shock waking up in here." I swing my legs over the side the bed. "Now do either of you know what happened to my shirt?"

They both glance around, while Curly shrugs. "Can't see it, I'll bring you another in the morning."

"No. I need to find it now, I'm not staying here."

"But they said you should be here overnight, to make sure you're okay," Leigh protests, as she moves closer to me, looking for all the world like she's going to start up crying again. "Please? I think you should listen to them, Tim."

Sliding off the edge of the bed, I slip my arms around her and draw her to me, do my level best to reassure her as I attempt to ignore the effort it's taking me to concentrate, to keep steady on my feet. "Look at me, I can't stay here, Leigh. Can't afford it for one thing, and being cooped up in here'll just drive me nuts. So come on, we'll get out of here, good night's sleep and everything'll be the same as usual. Now where's my damn shirt?"

"Most likely they cut it off you, when they were checking you over. Here, take this." Curly unbuttons his own so he's standing in just a t shirt, hands over his plaid shirt to me, then laughs as I pull it on. "Bit big, but at least you ain't gonna scare no one walking around half dressed."

"Yeah, hilarious. Now come on, let's get out of here."

xxxxxx

 _Wednesday evening._

"Hey."

I can sense the smile spreading across my face, feel myself unwind some, now that Leigh's finally here. I've been on edge since I woke up, trying to remember precisely what happened and then thinking about all I need to do - speak to Miller, find out what the latest talk on Myers is, all that shit - only that can all wait, satisfying the need to see her that's been eating at me all day is way more powerful right now.

"Hi." She stays just outside on the porch as she speaks, not quite returning my smile. "Are you feeling any better?"

"Yeah, some. You coming in, or just planning on standing there all day?"

"You want me to stay?"

"Course I do." She follows me into the house, into the sitting room, where I stop and push her hair from her face, kiss her. "I'm sorry, about last night."

"Yeah. Me too." She leans into me, hugs me, and suddenly there ain't a whole lot of talking going on. Instead she's in my arms, lips on mine, hands in my hair, arms around me.

"So, are we good?" I ask, instantly regretting my question as she tilts her head back a little and considers me for a second.

"Well, yeah. Why? There some reason we shouldn't be?"

"No. No reason."

"Okay. And you're really feeling alright now?" She trails her fingertips softly across my forehead, then along the bruises on my jaw, her voice quiet, gentle. "Your head doesn't hurt too bad today?"

"It's fine, I've had plenty worse than that," I murmur, kissing her a whole lot more in between making it clear exactly how I'd like to be spending my time with her given the chance. Only I really should know better, shouldn't have hoped we might actually get more than five minutes alone in this damn place.

"Jesus, Tim, get a room or something," my sister calls out, laughing as she wanders in.

"What the hell d'you want?" I snap, frustrated at the interruption, only Angela just laughs again.

"You should just be grateful I ain't Ma walking in on the pair of you like that. You know where Curly is?"

"How in hell would I know? Why don't you just get lost?"

Only she doesn't take my less than subtle hint, just stands there, telling me some convoluted tale about why she needs to find him and people I haven't heard of, before asking me for money - although she's probably only hoping I'll give in and pay her just to shut her the hell up and leave. We're still talking when the front door bangs open; seems my afternoon is destined to go from bad to worse.

"Jean! You up?" Harry's voice echoes down the hall, swiftly followed by Ma's footsteps as she comes out her bedroom for the first time since she finally quit bothering me this morning.

"Well, looks like it's your lucky day, reckon you're gonna get to meet the whole of the family." My sister shoots a grin at Leigh as the pair of them come into sight in the hallway. "Hey, Ma."

Ma stands stock still, her eyes flicking between the three of us, not speaking. Hope she isn't going to cause a scene. Really hope she doesn't start yelling, or that Harry won't go off on one of his rants.

"Tim." She studies the three of us for a few more seconds before focusing on my sister. "So are you going to introduce me to your friend then, Angela?"

"Yeah, Ma. This is Leigh." Angela shoots me a dangerous grin. "Only she ain't my friend. She's with Tim. You've met her before. Remember?" And with that my sister walks out, makes the wise move of heading back to her room.

Ma doesn't say nothing, her mouth a narrow line as she watches the pair of us. I mean is should be pretty obvious we're together really, I still got my arm around Leigh's waist, a hand resting on her hip.

"Oh. You're _that_ girl." Her expression hardens, as she folds her arms. "From last night. The one who brought him back here all messed up."

"Um yeah, hello, it's nice to meet you, properly," offers Leigh, her voice a little shaky even though she's smiling.

"Hmm," says Ma, before turning and taking today's paper from Harry's hand, her eyes focusing on the front page headline, not us, when she finally continues to speak. "Hope you're not getting yourself into trouble fighting just because of some girl, Timothy. You don't need to let yourself get caught up in nothing that shouldn't involve you, or be taken advantage of by anybody. You know you can't get in any bother, need to remember you have—"

"Damn it, Ma, quit worrying." The room feels small, airless and I need to get out, before I say something to her that ain't strictly necessary right now. "It ain't nothing like that, okay? Come on, Leigh, I'll drive you home." And I guide her across the room towards the door, while Harry stares; his eyes sure as hell ain't on the paper, that's for sure, instead he smirks down at Leigh as we draw level with him.

"So, you must be the latest of his little conquests, then? Guess none of you broads got any standards these days." Feel her flinch a little at his words and the harshness of his tone, and I just want to get her away from this - to not have to hear what he thinks of me, and by association, her. "Thought I told you not to keep bringing your little tarts back here, boy?"

I suppose he's trying to look like anyone actually listens to him, like he has some authority around here. And despite my best intentions to let it slide, to ignore him, I can't help myself from taking exception to that last comment. There ain't no way in hell she deserves that. I might have to live here, but she shouldn't have to be a part of this shit.

Harry doesn't see it coming, have him pinned against the wall quick as anything, one hand around his throat. "You don't talk about her, ever. Understand?"

And then it all kicks off. Chaos and noise and anger everywhere. He's shoving me, aware that I'm still hurting from last night so he's figuring he has some hope of beating on me; Ma's yelling at us, calling me ungrateful, telling me to have some respect. Reckon it's him she should be saying that to, not me.

"Come on, let's get out of here." I mutter, as I push him roughly away and he stumbles to the floor, Harry's voice echoing after us as we reach the door.

"Walk out of here now, and don't bother coming back!"

Don't bother to reply, just grab my jacket off the hook, and slam the door behind us.

xxxxxx

Neither of us speaks again until we're in the car.

"Jesus, Tim. I know you said it was bad sometimes, but that... My God. I'm sorry, I guess me coming there just made it worse."

"No, it ain't your fault, if it wasn't you he'd have found something else to talk shit about. I'm just sorry you had to see him. Well, both of them, really. Reckon we all would have been a lot better off if my Ma had never met him."

"So what are you going to do?"

"About what?"

"Him telling you not to go back."

Laugh, hard and bitter, 'cause really I know it ain't funny. "Nothing. He's said it most every time we've fallen out since he moved in. He ain't ever done nothing about it so far though, knows Ma would most likely go off on one if he did, despite what she says about me."

I jam the keys in the ignition, try to slow my breathing a little and concentrate on getting us out of here, not the burning pain reignited in my ribs from Harry's sloppy punches. Only seems I'm struggling with that, takes me a couple of minutes to sort myself, while she just watches quietly.

"You sure you're okay? To drive, I mean?"

Rub a hand across my eyes, figure it ain't far, that it'll be better risking the journey than staying here. "Yeah, it'll be fine."

She's quiet for a couple of seconds, looks away out the window before turning back to me. "And last night, are you going to tell me what that was really all about with Wayne?"

Christ. I'd almost convinced myself she wasn't going to ask me that, guess I can't avoid it now though. "Yeah, okay. Let's just get out of here first."

I'm relieved when the engine starts and the radio blares out, filling the silence for the rest the journey until we're finally pulling up outside her building. I follow her up the steps, waiting, while she fumbles in her bag for her keys then goes to unlock the door. "Oh, that's weird."

Look up as she pauses, her key rattling as she tries to turn it.

"What wrong?"

"I... it's probably nothing, guess I didn't lock up properly this morning. I thought I did though, I'm sure I checked it as I left." She reaches out, gingerly pushes the already unlocked door open and steps inside before moving quickly around the room as she opens and closes drawers on the dresser, peers into the closet.

"Everything alright? Is there stuff missing?"

She shakes her head. "No. It all how I left it, from what I can see." Only then she stops, eyes wide as she stares across at the small table and the papers piled on top if it. "Except for that. Why in hell is that there?"


	19. Chapter 19

**CHAPTER NINETEEN**

 _Wednesday night._

Leigh runs a hand through her hair, before she finally stares up at me. Her eyes are wide, her face pale, and then she stands up looking like she might speak at long last - only to apparently change her mind and sit back down again a couple of seconds later, biting on her nails. And all the while I stand in front of the window and watch her, wishing she would say something, anything; tell me to leave or that she hates me, scream at me. Anything would be better than this uneasy silence. I can't bear it, feel sick to my stomach.

"So you're saying it was actually you who set that fire?"

"Yeah." I suddenly find I can't meet her eye, find myself staring down at the floor.

"And Nick, too? He knew about this?"

I nod. "He was there with me, was my idea though."

But why, Tim?"

"Myers was using the gym, storing some of his gear down there before moving it on."

"And that business yesterday, then this today? Someone coming into my home? You think this is all because of what you've done?"

"It has to be. I mean Wayne's got to be more than a little pissed that we've wiped out his profits, so this being down to him seems the most likely explanation."

"You think they'll come back?" she asks, "that they're planning to do something to me, to us?"

"No. They won't come after you."

"Are you certain about that? Because this sure makes it sound like they might." She glances again at the piece of paper that currently rests on her lap along with the torn envelope filled with faded photos - all taken in or around Frank's place - that had somehow found their way out of wherever the hell she keeps them and onto the table top; her eyes scanning those eight scrawled words that had earlier sent her spiralling into a panic and forced my hand over revealing what I'm caught up in.

"Yeah I'm sure, Leigh." I hope I sound more convincing to her than I feel saying that, hope Myers has some standards left. "It's just a real low way to send me a message, to get at me by trying to frighten you some."

"Well it worked." She shivers a little. "I suppose he had his brother help him, or come here, he'd probably remember where I kept stuff."

It's bad enough having to deal with Wayne, let alone be forced into thinking about her being with Pete, here in this same room where we are right now. God I could do with some air, some water, but I don't want to move and prompt her to tell me to leave quite yet. Settle instead for a cigarette and I try to focus on that as I light it, take a drag. But I guess I'm not as good as I think I am at hiding my feelings, find myself snapping a little at her. "Suppose he would, all that time he must have spent here."

"Oh, no. That's not fair, Tim. We both know that's not the issue here so you don't get to make me feel bad about that, again. You can't keep on using that against me every time things aren't going great. I mean it's not like you've never been with someone else, is it?"

I shrug at her, both of us well aware it's true even if I don't want to admit it out loud.

"What, so I'm supposed to be fine with all that? You get to go home with as many girls as you like but you can't take me having been with one other guy? So how about you let it go once and for all, okay?"

"Yeah, okay," I agree, begrudgingly.

She leans back into the couch, gestures to me to sit next to her as she pulls out one of the pictures, a small smile briefly crossing her face as she glances at it. It's her and her old man, out front of the gym when she was a kid, she can't be more than nine or ten.

Figure I ought to try to be a bit less of a jerk to her, attempt to lighten the mood some. "Nice photo."

"Yeah. This was on the ten year anniversary of him being there. He was so happy then, seemed like things were finally going good after my mom leaving and all. I remember he took me for ice cream after school, then later that day he had a big fight night. That was the first time he let me stay there for it. Place was so busy, shame it didn't stay like that…" Her voice trails away and her expression becomes serious again as she drops all the papers gently to the floor and turns to me. "So were you ever planning on telling me any of this, or are you only admitting it now because you think you have no other option?"

"I…" I don't know what to say to that question, ain't entirely sure it matters either way now. "I don't know. I'm sorry, Leigh."

"Sorry? For what exactly?"

"Look, I know you're mad at me, have every right to be, because of your old man and all. Only it seemed like the best idea at the time."

She shakes her head. "Unbelievable."

"What d'you mean?"

"You think I'm upset about the building? That that's the one thing in all of this that bothers me?"

"Well—"

"No. I already told you the other day that it didn't matter. I mean, it's not like that place still being there is going to magically bring him back, is it? I'm upset because..., no, that's not true. I'm not actually upset; I guess I'm more confused as to why you think getting caught up in shit with Wayne Myers again is worth risking everything else you've got."

"But he—" Only she interrupts me before I can finish.

"What exactly has it achieved? Apart from more and more trouble? I mean he set you up, so I get that you have good reason to hate him. But all this - the fighting, the constant retaliation trying to get back at one other, you getting beat up, them coming _here_ – none of it has ever made things any better. It'll just get worse and worse until one of you ends up in jail, or dead. Is it really worth throwing your life away over?"

"I need it settled, Leigh, once and for all, so it ain't hanging over me all the time."

"No matter what the cost?"

"Yeah."

She looks at me, like she can't believe what I've said, shakes her head. "And what about all you told me about McAlester, about not wanting to waste your second chance?"

"That ain't fair."

"Why? You said you promised your friends there, as well as yourself, that you wouldn't ever go back. Thought you always kept your word, Tim? 'Cause right now it seems you're hell bent on getting back there as soon as possible."

I'm on my feet again, can feel myself getting angrier. "If you want me to leave then just say it, will you?"

"You really believe that's what I want?"

"I don't know what to think, other than I seem to be the bad guy in all this to you. So if you don't want me around, you need to tell me."

"God, Tim. Would you listen to yourself?" She sighs, rests her head in her hands for a few seconds. "I know this is hard for you, but it isn't like I've got any better idea what I'm doing than you, you're not the only one who hasn't had the greatest family life you know."

"I thought you and Frank always got on real good?"

"Yeah we did, but that's the point - it was just us, me and him, no one else. So I don't have the first clue what I'm doing half the time, either. I know we've only been back together for a few weeks and I'm not expecting you to stand there and tell me you love me or say this is forever or nothing like that."

"Leigh, you know that I—"

"No, hear me out, Tim." She's on her feet now too, steps a lttle closer to me. "I hoped that this time it would be down to us, the things that _we_ do, as to whether it all works out or not. I just wanted things to go right for once, do normal ordinary everyday stuff, spend time with you. Not have it all fall apart because of my ex stirring things up and causing us trouble or some never ending feud you've got going on with his brother."

"Hell, I don't want that either." My anger is gone as quick as it had arrived and I wrap my arms around her, kiss the top of her head. "But I think it's gone past me being able to walk away now, don't you? There's no way Myers is going to let it slide after all that's happened. I ain't planning on throwing this away, but I need to fix that too or things won't ever get any better for us."

"How though?"

I'm not entirely sure yet, but I don't think sharing that fact is going to help any. Instead I let myself stand here, hold her in my arms for a couple of minutes before kissing her. It would be so easy to stay here, forget it all. But it won't help, not now I'm in this deep. I need to take back some control, not let Myers dictate how this all unfolds so I unwillingly step back, move towards the door. "I need to go see Miller, then talk to a couple of other people."

"What, now?" She follows me, catches a hold of my hand. "Do you have to? Tonight?"

"Yeah, Leigh, I do. The sooner I get this started then the sooner we can forget all about Myers and get on with our lives."

xxxxxx

 _Friday morning._

The light is finally creeping round the blinds as I try to crane my neck to get a glimpse of Leigh's alarm clock without disturbing her and I'm disappointed that it's almost six already. I've barely slept, my mind has been working overtime, constantly going over the plans for tonight, the details, searching for anything we've overlooked, that might cause us a problem or blow the whole thing. Slide my arm out from underneath her, try not to wake her too soon. Only I'm barely out the bed, still pulling on my jeans when I hear her moving.

"What, so are you going without a goodbye now?" she asks, half asleep still but smiling at least.

"Course not." I sit back down, on the edge the bed and push my feet into my shoes, while she slips her arms around my shoulders and kisses me.

"You sure you can't stay a little longer?"

And God I want to say yes, forget everything else and lose myself here with her. Except I know that won't change anything, that all my problems will still be waiting for me. "No, I can't afford to be late for work after missing a day already this week. I don't need to screw up the job on top everything else and have Barnes onto me, he's gonna be pissed enough when I walk in there looking like this."

"So will I see you later?"

"Yeah. I'll come over, soon as I can." Because after all the chat with Miller and my brother, pulling in Lang and Simmonds and making yet another deal with Robinson, tonight is going to be make or break. "It might not be until later in the evening though, I've got a few errands to do first."

xxxxxx

"Hey, Ma, you're up early." I'd hoped to get in and out before anyone else was up, have some time to myself to grab a shower, a change of clothes and maybe even drink a coffee in peace.

She shrugs at me, seems the most lucid she's been in a while when she finally does answer. "Not really. Been up all night."

I grab a glass, figure I need some aspirin or something while I'm waiting on the coffee, hope they'll take the edge off of that pain in my head and behind my eyes that I still can't seem to shake off.

"Have you only just got home?"

"Surprised you even noticed." I swallow down the pills, look around for some clean cups and wait for whatever criticism she's going to throw at me today.

"Surprised?" she gasps, "sit down a minute, Tim."

"Damn it, Ma, I've got to get ready for work."

"Five minutes is all. So you're seeing that girl? Is that where you were, again?" She pulls a cigarette from the packet, can't miss her hands shaking as she tries and fails to strike a match, hold out my lighter to her as I answer.

"Yeah. And _that girl_ has a name, or have you forgotten that already?"

"No. But you didn't ought to be spending so much time with someone you barely know. Don't her family have nothing to say about it, letting her have a boy in the house overnight?" She inhales deeply, and I can't miss how her hands still tremble, how thin she is; wonder quite why I haven't noticed before. Getting up again I pull open the cupboards, they're pretty bare but I manage to find a half packet of cookies and put a couple on a plate, pour us both a coffee.

"Here, you should try to eat something." I slide the plate in front of her, position the cup close by. "And no, they don't. She ain't got any family, her old man died last year."

"Well what about her mother?" she persists, "are you telling me she's letting you spend the night in her house doing heaven knows what with her daughter like some kind of—"

I have to stop her, this isn't a conversation I need to be having now, especially not with my mother. "Glory, what is this, twenty fucking questions? No. Her mother don't say nothing 'cause she left years ago. There. You happy now? Oh and Leigh's not someone I've only recently met. I knew her from before."

"Before?"

"Yeah, from before I was in jail. Look, I need to go shower, before I'm late, but you don't need to worry about me and Leigh, I promise."

"Just use your head, Tim, don't make the mistake of getting yourself stuck with someone because you think it's what you want right now." And I'm almost out the door before she speaks again, her voice quieter this time so I'm not entirely sure if she's still talking to me or just to herself now. "Don't make the same mistakes I did."

xxxxxx

 _Friday afternoon._

As expected, Barnes is going all guns blazing, yelling, threatening, demanding to know why I look like I've done ten rounds with Sonny Liston, and it's got to be a full five minutes before he finally pauses, demands that I speak.

"Well, go on then. Tell me the bullshit story you've got all lined up for me."

"Got jumped, couple of guys after money when I was heading home from my girl's place the other night. She took me to the hospital, check it out if you don't believe me."

"Jesus, Shepard. That's the biggest load of crap I've heard this week and we both know it. Lucky for you, your boss seems happy enough with you despite you missing time this week. Any more fuck ups though and I'll be tempted to get you hauled in on a public disorder myself, understand?"

Nod at him, get to my feet. "Yeah, now am I good to go?"

He glares at me, let's out an exasperated sigh. "Yeah, get the hell out my sight - and stay out of fucking trouble, kid."

Pushing open the door, I head down the corridor, out into the warm afternoon sunshine. It's still a couple of hours before I need to go meet Nick and the guys and I consider going over to Leigh's, only then I remember she'll still be working. Christ, I need to concentrate, not let my nerves about tonight get the better of me.

Hell, maybe I just need a drink. But as I sit in the nearest bar, and nurse the glass in my hand, it ain't the plan for tonight that's on my mind, it's Barnes' warnings, Leigh's fears, promises I made to guys I owe being here to, and Ma's words from this morning. All of it swirling in my mind, until it hits me that none of it is going to work, that Leigh was right, it won't achieve a thing. And with that I'm on my feet, finally realising exactly what I need to do, because there's only one sure way to put an end to all of this.

* * *

A/N: Thanks to everyone who's been reading and reviewing :) Hope you like it!


	20. Chapter 20

**CHAPTER TWENTY**

I'm about to head inside when I'm hit with the overwhelming need to hear Leigh's voice one more time. It's only a little after four, and for once I'm glad she's agreed to work a late shift in the diner, even though it's a Friday, 'cause at least that gives me the opportunity to speak to her. I already passed a payphone on the corner, only as I stride back down there I spot some old lady using it already. Slouch back against the wall and wait while I resist the temptation to lean in and disconnect her call; settle instead for glaring at her while she yaks on and on, only she don't take the hint, just scowls right back at me then turns away and carries on. Find myself cursing under breath and I guess she must hear me 'cause she finally takes the hint, hangs up and fucks off.

At last my call is connected but I'm still waiting, can hear Edie yelling out for her to come over quick, until finally all the background noise of chatter and music on the line is replaced by Leigh, sounding concerned and anxious as she questions me as to why exactly I'm ringing her at work.

"Tim, is that you? What's the matter? Did something happen at your parole meeting?"

"No, it was fine, there's nothing wrong." _Had_ _to make sure you're somewhere_ _safe..._

"So you're definitely not in any trouble?" The relief in her voice is almost palpable.

"Everything's fine, I promise, just wanted to check what time you finish tonight." _...that_ _you'll still be there whilst I do this..._

"I'm supposed to stay until eight. Why? Is it a problem? I thought you were busy anyway?"

"Course not, only I thought I could come meet you." _...because_ _I've finally figured out what matters..._

Yeah?" Can almost hear the smile in her voice; picture her standing there behind the counter, playing with the phone cord as she speaks. "That'd be real nice."

"Yeah." _... what matters is you. My family. But mostly you._ There's more noise in the background, muffled voices, the door banging shut, kitchen bell ringing.

"Look, I better go, It's starting to busy up in here again." She sighs. "I'll see you later."

"Sure. Leigh, I..." _l_ o _ve you._ "I'll see you real soon." _Least I hope I will._

Hanging up the phone, I finally turn towards the door of Murphy's, wondering if I'm about to make the biggest mistake of my life. A real bad feeling washes over me as my previous failed attempts at similar conversations spring to mind. There ain't much hope that this is going to go any better than the last time, but I have to at least try this option first, if only to rule it out. Can hear the noise of the afternoon crowd from out here on the street and for a half second it transports me back to McAlester, that constant noise, so many people everywhere.

 _"Just don't fuck up again, alright?"_ _Bobby calls out as they drag him off down the corridor … Ray laughing as he says his goodbyes, "Don't ever let me damn well catch you back in here again, kid."_

Shit. This is not what I need, don't need to put any more pressure on myself to get this done right. I can't screw this up, owe the pair of them that much at least. Shake myself, I need to not let this get to me; have to look like I know what I'm doing, even if really I ain't got the first clue, otherwise there's no point in even trying.

Stepping inside I quickly assess the scene in front of me. The place is rammed with after-work drinkers ploughing their way through their pay packets, while a closer inspection confirms Myers is there amongst them, sat at a table in the back corner with some girl on his knee. Least he's not got his brother in tow - or apparently any of the other of his guys; although I'm sure they can't be far away, will be here sooner or later. But this, this suits me fine. A conversation between the two of us was exactly what I've come looking for.

Leaning on the bar I catch the eye of the girl serving there, decide now is not the time for half measures, and if nothing else it might dull that ever present ache behind my eyes, the pain in my ribs. "Two whiskeys – and leave the rest the bottle."

"Yeah?" She raises an eyebrow at me. "Reckon you'll need to leave some cash first."

"Sure thing, darling." Toss a couple of bills down on the bar and grab up the glasses and bottle, cross the room and place them down on the table as I slide into the seat opposite, silent as I fill the glasses and push one across in his general direction.

Myers pushes the girl from his lap. "Time for you to leave, sweetheart, go buy yourself another drink or something." He takes up the glass, sips it, then smirks at me. "Well, well. Was wondering when I might hear something from you. Didn't think you'd have the balls to come find me in person though."

"Yeah? Seems you don't really know me as well as you think then, Myers," I throw back at him.

"So, what brings you here then?"

"Decided it was about time we settled things; sat down and discussed it face to face, instead of all this tit for tat revenge crap. So how about you tell me what it'll take for this to stop. For all this shit between us to be over, for good."

He laughs, grabs the bottle and refills his glass. "So I guess I know now how to get a reaction out of Tim Shepard. One little message to that girl of yours gets you running in here quick as anything, begging me to make you some deal. But here's the thing, why in hell do you think I'd be interested in settling anything with you?"

"Well, I guess the choice is yours." I shrug. "But I figured you could do without any more interference, I mean your associates have to be pissed don't they, that you ain't been able to keep up with demand lately? Must be causing you all kinds of cash flow issues. So far, it's only been a one-off annoyance; pretty sure you won't want it to become a regular occurrence though."

"Hmm." Wayne turns the glass in his hand, takes another sip. "See, the thing is, I doubt you'll actually follow through on that."

"Yeah? What makes you so sure?"

"'Cause next time you do something to fuck up my business I won't be leaving her no message, I'll be going to pay her a visit. She always was a nice girl, although I never did quite get what you or my brother saw in her. But hell, maybe it's time I found out for myself. Or maybe I'll go for something more your style - maybe a Molotov through the window one night when she's there all alone, wait until she's asleep? Only one way out of that place ain't there?" He pauses for a second, smirks as he lets his threats sink in a little. "No, Maybe I should save the getting to know you better for that sister of yours now she's getting all grown up? I hear she's earning herself quite the reputation, these days."

I glare at him, resist the urge to punch that smug smirk off of his face as I try all I can to keep calm, to not let my emotions get the better of me; focus on my near empty glass as I tell myself he's only saying all this because he thunks it's an easy way to get at me, that he don't really mean any of it.

Funny really, I used to think we weren't all that different underneath it all. That we probably would have run in the same pack if we'd lived in the same part of town, might even have been friends. Or maybe not, I doubt either of us would have taken an order from anyone else. Wonder how it ever really came about that it's all ended up like this, because it was never anything big that started it. Stolen hubcaps and hotwired cars, building into arguments over who controlled any given street; rumbles and robberies, conflict after petty conflict, until nobody really cared about why it was happening - just that it was part of who we were, both of us set on being top dog, the toughest hood around. But it seems Myers has moved on to a whole other level these days. Either that or he's bluffing. Not sure I want to push it to the point where I find out though - not if Leigh's the stakes involved, the one at risk.

Take another slug of my drink, refill the glass, and take my time as I light a cigarette. "So you're saying there's absolutely no way to put an end to this where we walk away and each of us gets on with our own lives and pretends that the other doesn't exist? You're sure about that? I reckon we're both getting a bit old for shit like that these days."

He leans back in his chair, studies me for a couple of minutes as I sit here smoking, trying to hold my nerve on this, hope I don't sound too fucking desperate. "Well I suppose we could come to some arrangement." Myers pauses, and for the briefest time I think this is finally going to be over – until he opens his mouth and speaks again. "Only trouble is, I ain't sure that I want to, 'cause if you're still around there's always that possibility you'll cause me more grief."

"And if I gave you my word?"

Wayne laughs. "Ain't worth nothing to me, Shepard. Wouldn't trust you if my life depended on it. So why don't you fuck off and leave me to enjoy my drink in peace?"

"Well I guess there's nothing more left to say then." I stand, about to leave until his parting words freeze me momentarily to the spot, make my blood run cold.

"Don't forget, Shepard. Anything at all happens to screw with my business - and I mean anything – then I'll be making good on those promises, understand?"

xxxxxx

Fishing in my pocket I find some more coins, feed them into the payphone and drum my fingers on the glass trying to ignore Myers threats that are swirling in my mind as I wait on Miller picking up. He better still be there 'cause I need him to put a stop to things before it all gets even more out of hand. Finally he answers, and I launch straight in, tell him what he needs to do, fend off his questions.

"...Yeah, Nick, I know that was the plan. But you need to make sure they hold off, okay?" I'm getting annoyed now, trying not to yell down the phone at him as he keeps questioning me; he needs to damn well listen. He should know me well enough that I wouldn't be doing this without good reason. "You need to cancel the whole fucking thing, keep the guys from doing anything tonight."

"But I thought—"

"Yeah? Well don't think, just do it. I'll speak to you later."

I slam down the phone and head back to the car, find myself slamming a fist into the steering wheel in frustration. What the hell do I do now?

Maybe I should go get Leigh, ask her to grab a bag, to forget about Tulsa and leave town with me right now; start again someplace where no one has ever heard of Tim Shepard. She hasn't got no real ties to this place no more and Ma and the rest of them managed just fine that eighteen months I was inside, so they could learn to cope well enough again. Except I don't know that it ain't really fair to leave it all on Curly's shoulders again - never mind that it would leave me spending the rest of my life looking over my shoulder, hiding from the law, waiting for that day when my past catches up with me. Which it would, one day. Because even I've got enough sense to know living like that won't do nothing to keep us together; that sooner or later the lying and the hiding would only eat away at everything good until all that was remaining was a shell of what we could have been.

No. I need to get out of here, go someplace to get my head straight - before the rest the River Kings turn up and someone sees me sitting here in my car, like I'm looking for even more trouble. Only as I start the engine, check the mirrors, I catch a glimpse of Myers, head down and hands in pockets as he saunters off down the street, makes me wonder where in hell he's heading on his own. I do know one thing though, this kind of opportunity doesn't come up often, and sure ain't something to be ignored.

Got a switch lying in the glove compartment, could put that to good use. Plenty of places to catch Myers someplace on his own around here; an opportunity for me to act first, end it once and for all, finish him. Before I can reconsider this, let alone talk myself out of it, I'm out the car and trailing him along the street, the smooth grip feels cool, yet reassuringly familiar, against my hand as I slide the knife into my back pocket.


	21. Chapter 21

**CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE**

"What the fuck?" Myers gasps, as his head collides with the brickwork after my fist meets his face, blood trickling from his nose.

My head is still pounding but the rush of it all is enough for me to ignore the pain and lay some more heavy blows into his ribs as he struggles to overcome his surprise and attempt to fight back. But my early advantage is enough for me to get the upper hand and successfully pin him against the wall with one arm, drawing my blade from my back pocket with the other hand. It's quiet enough round here. There's no witnesses, no one around to help him out this time and no one's going to care about breaking up one more fight between a couple of hoods like us.

Despite all this though, he still puts on a front, like he ain't bothered by what I might do. Don't stop me noticing the slow, careful way he frames his response though, or the forced laugh he tacks onto his words.

"Guess you really are stupider than you look, Shepard, thinking something as idiotic as this will do you any favours. Didn't exactly work for you last time, did it?"

What he don't get is that this isn't gonna go the same way as back in sixty-five; that I won't let him get the better of me twice. That was different, hell _I_ was different, too much has happened since then. Now it's me in control, and I ain't planning to let that advantage slip through my fingers again.

"Yeah?"

I shove him back against the wall with my arm, his head slamming into it a second time as I press the knife through the fabric of his shirt, under his ribcage. It would be real easy to do this, would only take a slight change of angle and a little more pressure on the hilt. It's a decent blade, well balanced and familiar as it sits so comfortably in my hand; would make it so damn easy to finish this right now.

"You ain't got the fucking nerve, Shepard."

"You sure about that?" I shift the switch some, just a little deeper, breaking his skin, feel the warmth of blood as seeps onto my knuckles, before I move again, press my forearm a little harder across his throat as I laugh at him. "I know your contacts got friends in Big Mac, Wayne. Any of them ever fill you in on the rumours over what went down with me while I was up there?"

Myers nods ever so slightly, his breathing shallow and his eyes still straining downwards to catch a glimpse of the knife.

It would be so, so simple to finish this, forever. To never have to see this asshole again, listen to his whining excuses, his threats. A couple of seconds is all it would take, just need to put my whole weight behind the blade, make it more than a superficial cut.

No one would know it was me. Not for sure. Ain't no way I'm the only one with a grudge against him. It's so damn quiet here, the sole sound his ragged breathing as he fights to remain calm.

It was one thing doing what I did by accident; another actually planning it, wanting it, let alone the prospect of living with even more blood on my conscience afterwards. And God, Leigh might not blame me for something I didn't set out to do - but forgiving me for something I _chose_ to do, planned and carried out in cold blood?

Even if he deserves this. Which he does. No way he'd be thinking twice if our roles were reversed. I'd be down there bleeding out in the gutter already.

But I ain't him. I'm better than him. Least she seems to believe I am - and that has to be worth something, don't it?

A car drives by, footsteps echo on the sidewalk barely yards away from us. Take a quick glimpse that way, but nobody stops. None of them even so much as glances this way. Some bunch of girls not much older than Angela; too busy talking and laughing, plans for their Friday night on their minds; oblivious to me, to Myers.

Tightening my grip I can't help but look down. I know I shouldn't, but I can't stop myself, catch a sight of his blood soaking a little further through his shirt, down my hand, onto my clothes and it's like I'm back there again, my head filled with the noise and commotion of McAlester.

Try to pull myself together. I _have_ to do this; can't spend every single day watching, waiting for him to come after me, to do something to harm Leigh.

"Then you know that I've done this before and got away with it. So if you go near Leigh, my sister, hell anyone I know, if you even so much as look at them wrong, then what do you suppose is gonna stop me from doing it again? Then when I've done with you, maybe I'll go find that jerk brother of yours too? Few things I'd like to set straight with him, as well."

"Fuck's sake, Shepard, surely we can sort something out, talk this through?" Myers asks, his voice strained as he struggles to keep calm.

"I don't know, you didn't seem so keen earlier. Reckon you should have taken that offer I made you a bit more serious, don't you?"

Guess it's now or never; decision time.

Press my shoulder in his chest and adjust my grip on the switch. If I'm gonna do this I might as well make it quick, clean.

xxxxxx

With a start I realise it's dark, the sun long set and the only light the dim glow of the street lamps. Reaching for a cigarette I'm met only with an empty carton, seems I've already smoked my way through the whole damn pack. Guess I must have been sitting out here for fucking hours - not the ten minutes it feels like - just thinking it all over, replaying it in my head, torturing myself with whether I've done the right thing or only screwed it all up even further. It's long since the time I should have been meeting Leigh. Wonder if she's worrying where in hell I am; if she's real mad at me, or just disappointed that I've let her down, again.

Push myself to my feet, head back towards the car. Guess I should get out of here, go home. Can't go to Leigh looking this much of a mess, Myers' blood on my clothes, traces of it still on my hands. Only it seems I can't help myself because I don't take the turning towards home, find myself parking up by her place instead, hoping she's here. Stride quickly up the stairs and turn the handle on the door a mix of relief and panic as it swings easily open. She looks up, startled, from where she's sat at the kitchen table, still wearing her diner uniform, an untouched cup of coffee in front of her.

I stand awkwardly in the doorway, jam my hands back in my pockets as I try to force a smile onto my face. "Thought you were gonna keep this locked, after all that's been happening. You should—"

Don't get to finish though, 'cause she's here, throwing her arms around me, holding me so damn tight I can barely breathe, her lips on mine as she alternates between kissing me and throwing questions at me. "Jesus, Tim. Where in hell have you been? You seemed so preoccupied on the phone earlier, then I waited for you for ages. Tried calling your house but no one answered; thought about trying to get Nick, or ringing the hospital, I didn't know what to do. God I was so scared something had happened to you." She steps back a little, pushes the door shut then takes a proper look at me, her eyes flicking from my dirty clothes, back to my face. "So what's wrong, what's happened? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I mutter. Can't seem to find no other words, to stop my mind from going over and over it all, so I just stand here, keep my hands in my pockets while she continues to stare at me, like she's hoping to read my mind or something.

"Are you sure you're feeling alright? You don't look so great, d'you think you're coming down with something? You still got that headache?" She reaches out, gently presses her hand to my forehead.

"Yeah, it's still there, but I ain't sick, least not how you mean." Only thing I am sick of is how hard everything is, how nothing ever seems to end well for me, no matter what I do.

"So where were you? Are you in some kind of trouble?"

Sink down onto the worn old couch, rest my head in my hands as she settles next to me.

"I don't know how to do this anymore, Leigh. All I'm ever gonna be is some lousy ex-con who ain't good for anything. Thought I could be different, only everything I do always seems to go bad." I feel on the point of losing it, can't bring myself to even look at her. "I'm just so tired of it all. Everything seems so fucking pointless. Hell, you seen my brother lately? Kid seems to think he needs to be exactly how I was to get anywhere, all his plans and schemes and Angela ain't far behind him, staying out half the night and getting herself in more trouble than I care to think about. Ma's so out if it now I don't know that she even realises who I am half the time. Nothing ever gets any better, no matter what I do."

"No you make a difference for them. Anyone can see how much they need you Tim, can you not see how much worse it would be if you weren't around, taking care of them all?"

"But that ain't the half of it, Leigh. All this shit with Myers, I was a damn fool to get caught up in it again, let myself think it was ever worth trying to get even with him. Should have realised before what mattered and left it all well alone. Only I couldn't could I? Had to go thinking I was smarter than him, that it would actually change anything. So all I've succeeded in doing is make things a hundred times worse, drag you into it with me. Hell, don't take a genius to know you'd be a damn sight better off without me around."

"No, that's not true, and we can work things out, there has to be a way to make things better," she insists, shifting closer to me.

"Think it's too late for that." Wish I hadn't smoked so much earlier, could do with a cigarette about now. Or maybe a drink, anything to take the edge off, calm my nerves some and shut out all the shit that's going round and round non-stop in my head.

"What do you mean?"

"I went searching for Myers earlier, thought if we talked it out I could come up with some way to settle things, make some kind of peace between us. But he wasn't interested in a word I had to say. Then when I saw him again, a few minutes later, I was so fucking angry I could barely think straight, just seemed so obvious, the idea I could take him out, end it for good."

She rests a hand on mine, makes me look up at her as she asks me, "End it how, exactly?"

"Damn it, Leigh, you know what I'm saying, take him out the picture, like I did to that guy in McAlester."

"Shit, Tim." Her eyes are wide, her voice not much more than a whisper as she struggles to form another question. "But you didn't though, did you? You didn't actually...?"

 _...adjust my grip on the switch and I'm about to do this when it hits me I can't do it. That I'm not actually prepared to go back on the promises I made, risk going to jail all over again..._

Shake my head. "No. Came real close, but no."

A look of relief washes over her, but I don't give her a chance to speak; get to my feet 'cause I need to put some space between us, tell her all this before I change my mind.

"Don't change the fact that I wanted to though, does it? I was so desperate to stop him, Leigh, enough that him being dead felt like the best choice; only seems I couldn't even do that right. Had him right there, would have been so easy to end it forever."

 _...quickly fold away the blade and shove it roughly in my back pocket, punch him again before he realises my change of heart, that I can't go through with it again... settle for hitting him, over and over, as I make my demands._

 _"Stay away from me and mine, Myers, or next time I won't be so generous, understand?"_

 _Watch as he nods, know it's about the nearest to any kind of agreement I'm gonna get... throw one last blow at him so he finally falls to the ground; walk away, don't look back, pray my threats are enough to convince him I mean it, that he'll leave us alone..._

"So what stopped you?"

"You did." I run a hand through my hair, not quite able to meet her eye. "'Cause when it came to it, all I could think of was how much you'd hate me, how it would ruin the only good thing in my life right now. And the thought of that seemed far worse. Don't want to fuck this up, lose you again."

She's quiet, too quiet, wish I knew what she was damn well thinking now she knows it all; the silence is unbearable.

The seconds drag on and on, and as I watch her out the corner of my eye as she sits there silently, I'm certain this is it; that I've finally crossed the line of how much shit she's prepared to take from me and we're done. Try to figure out if it'd be better for me to keep some small scrap of dignity and leave now, rather than wait for her to tell me the inevitable. Decide that I just want this over with, need to hear for myself what's on her mind, no matter how bad.

"Jesus, Leigh, say something will you?"

And then she's here in front of me, her arms around me as she leans her head against my chest and whispers how she ain't ever going nowhere, that we'll figure this out together and that it'll all somehow be okay. And despite all my fears her certainty on this feels infectious, makes me believe we've some chance of actually making it, so much so that before I can think too hard about it and stop myself, I'm holding her close as I tell her exactly what she means to me - all the things I've never been able to say before, that I've never felt about anyone but her.

 **THE END**

* * *

A/N: HUGE thanks to anyone who's ever read, followed, favourited or reviewed, I really appreciate all of your interest in this. Edit: March 2016 - Even though this has been finished a while, I'd still love to hear what you think of the story :)

I had thought about taking this a little further into the future, but in the end this felt like the right place to leave this story: maybe not _quite_ a happy ending, but at least a hopeful one - hopefully ;) But, if you are interested in any more about Tim, then he does appear in my short Angela fic, ' _Trust_ ', which is set a few months after this, as well as in my Shepard family story, ' _Mothers Little Helper'_ , told from the point of view of their mother.

Thank you so much for reading :)


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